well, as of today, tuesday the 29th, it's been three weeks since my elbow decided to take the road less traveled. not a single day of the 21 has passed that i haven't offered a prayer of gratitude that i'm left handed, that i have haley, and that i have good narcotics.
by the same token, not a day has passed that i haven't marveled at all the things your non-dominant hand is still necessary for. that old expression, 'i could do that with one arm tied behind my back' has taken on new meaning. in case you were wondering, there are many fewer things in that category than i'd ever imagined.
like, tying your shoes. or putting in earrings. or even washing my face. the seemingly simple is much harder when one hand simply can't reach your head.
but this isn't a pity party. on the contrary, i want to tell you all the things i've learned i can do with only one arm.
- train 1st graders at fitness camp four days a week
- pack up eight years of closets, drawers, and shelves for a move
- ride a bike (albeit stationary), climb stairs, and do (one-armed) jumping jacks
- sand and repaint a rust-erator, er i mean refrigerator
- mow the over grown grass in our drainage ditch
- with a three-wheeled lawn mower
- change that fourth tire
- drive and drive and drive (thank god i have an automatic) back and forth and back
- sell/give away a household's worth of junk at a garage sale
- ably lift weights twenty pounds below my norm (fyi: furniture is generally not in this category)
...
- realize limitations
- ask for help
- accept help
- learn patience
and so it goes. i'm three days from a new home and three weeks from being able-bodied. and the nagging thought i go to bed with and wake up with is 'when will i be able to write?' tonight, i write. the boxes wait till morning. the ice pack balances on my elbow. and tonight i write.
i've missed it so.
d: patience in the process
b: progress in the process
g: partner in the process
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Sunday, June 13, 2010
detour
well i'm supposed to be mid-vacation number three, in the mountains with the boys, haley, and our pets today. but plans change. and instead i'm (hopefully) on the tail end of a serious detour. before we left for the beach i was confronted with an imperative new tire purchase and alignment. which means four new tires in the past three months, in case you were wondering. (i'll leave out the part about how my 'sports car' requires hard-to-find and harder-to-afford tires.) this morning when i took mega out, my front right tire is flat.
no big deal, you're thinking. it happens. the highways and atlanta roads are practically like driving through a construction site, i know. but in between the tires i bought a week ago and today i've had the rather exciting and unique experience of dislocating and fracturing my elbow. at least i hope it's a unique experience in my life because the excitement resembles the thrill of waking up every morning and remembering you're in for a day of pain and difficulty like none before. woowee! exciting!
and in case you were wondering, a beach vacation isn't very cast friendly. sand, water, heat. eh. the silver lining: percoset.
i've only made it through these past five days with a minimum of tears and tantrums because of haley. in every way imaginable - and many i never imagined - she's been my right arm. and my left. and my nurse. and my engineer. and my chauffeur. and my cheerleader. and simply amazing. and today i have to wake her up with the news that she gets to also be my mechanic.
sigh
surely it will get easier soon.
d: a break
b: still managing to laugh
g: it was my right arm..and i'm left-handed
no big deal, you're thinking. it happens. the highways and atlanta roads are practically like driving through a construction site, i know. but in between the tires i bought a week ago and today i've had the rather exciting and unique experience of dislocating and fracturing my elbow. at least i hope it's a unique experience in my life because the excitement resembles the thrill of waking up every morning and remembering you're in for a day of pain and difficulty like none before. woowee! exciting!
and in case you were wondering, a beach vacation isn't very cast friendly. sand, water, heat. eh. the silver lining: percoset.
i've only made it through these past five days with a minimum of tears and tantrums because of haley. in every way imaginable - and many i never imagined - she's been my right arm. and my left. and my nurse. and my engineer. and my chauffeur. and my cheerleader. and simply amazing. and today i have to wake her up with the news that she gets to also be my mechanic.
sigh
surely it will get easier soon.
d: a break
b: still managing to laugh
g: it was my right arm..and i'm left-handed
Saturday, June 5, 2010
dabble
when i was a kid i wanted to try everything. and to the best of their ability, they obliged me. i took violin lessons, piano lessons, played basketball, took gymnastics and ballet, participated in a musical production, sang in the school chorus, competed with quiz bowl, odyssey of the mind, and math counts (yeah, i was a nerd. so what?), and a million other things.
one time each.
meaning, i dabbled and never dove. and some things i wanted to do, i never tried. after all, there were only so many days in the week and dollars in the bank. i've often said that i regretted not being forced to persevere with something, for mastery. or even just accomplishment.
and now, as a parent, i am confronted with this same dilemma. how hard to push and how much to offer. tonight haley and i went to an amazing concert. imogen heap. an artist i knew little about, previously. and while i sat in the second balcony, in utter amazement at the talent and production, i wished the boys were there.
my mind wandered and i remembered longing to act on a stage myself - luke's dream. and i watched the massive percussion ensemble in this band and thought of todd and his ambivalence toward his drumming. i've always loved the production aspects of stage, tv, film, music and in my line of work have had the opportunity to be involved in many of these. as such, the complexity and sophistication of the stage show caught my attention. reminded me of my brother. made me want to go to new york. made me want to take the boys there. my mind raced.
how hard do i push? how much do i offer? do the two cancel each other out?
moving into the city affords me so many opportunities for their exposure. i feel overwhelmed with the desire to show it all to them. perhaps what my own parents thought.
d: the push/offer balance
b: i'm creating more opportunities to balance
g: a lifetime of dabbling
one time each.
meaning, i dabbled and never dove. and some things i wanted to do, i never tried. after all, there were only so many days in the week and dollars in the bank. i've often said that i regretted not being forced to persevere with something, for mastery. or even just accomplishment.
and now, as a parent, i am confronted with this same dilemma. how hard to push and how much to offer. tonight haley and i went to an amazing concert. imogen heap. an artist i knew little about, previously. and while i sat in the second balcony, in utter amazement at the talent and production, i wished the boys were there.
my mind wandered and i remembered longing to act on a stage myself - luke's dream. and i watched the massive percussion ensemble in this band and thought of todd and his ambivalence toward his drumming. i've always loved the production aspects of stage, tv, film, music and in my line of work have had the opportunity to be involved in many of these. as such, the complexity and sophistication of the stage show caught my attention. reminded me of my brother. made me want to go to new york. made me want to take the boys there. my mind raced.
how hard do i push? how much do i offer? do the two cancel each other out?
moving into the city affords me so many opportunities for their exposure. i feel overwhelmed with the desire to show it all to them. perhaps what my own parents thought.
d: the push/offer balance
b: i'm creating more opportunities to balance
g: a lifetime of dabbling
Friday, June 4, 2010
super
i think maybe we all wanted to be superheroes when we were kids. what if there were a pill we could take and have superhero powers? what if something could make all of our senses superhero strength? if it could transform mediocre music into the greatest symphony you've ever imagined - allowing you to hear sounds you never knew were there... if it could allow you to see the inner strength and beauty in even the most average people... if it could empower your imagination and vision to see atlanta's night time skyline as though it were indeed gotham city. what if...
if there were such a miracle drug and i were lucky enough to stumble across it, i imagine that when the supply evaporated real life would lose its luster. i imagine i'd feel a vein of nostalgia pulsing through me at times that craved those superhuman powers. eventually i think the memory would fade, as memories usually do; and ordinary experiences would excite my senses and even possibly override the memories of superhuman sensation. after all, reality trumps fantasy. or so they say.
and then sometimes: the senses surge with superhuman powers rekindled by extraordinary circumstances, revisiting heights previously learned under the tutorage of magic superhero pills.
if such an extraordinary circumstance could exist, as to evoke memories of a magic euphoria, tonight would have been such.
a consummate musician. an artist in every sense of the word. music and lights that brought me to the edge of a cliff. and dropped me off.
an extraordinary circumstance.
a superhuman sensation.
reality trumping fantasy.
d: extraordinary circumstances
b: senses with superhero memory
g: reality trumping fantasy
if there were such a miracle drug and i were lucky enough to stumble across it, i imagine that when the supply evaporated real life would lose its luster. i imagine i'd feel a vein of nostalgia pulsing through me at times that craved those superhuman powers. eventually i think the memory would fade, as memories usually do; and ordinary experiences would excite my senses and even possibly override the memories of superhuman sensation. after all, reality trumps fantasy. or so they say.
and then sometimes: the senses surge with superhuman powers rekindled by extraordinary circumstances, revisiting heights previously learned under the tutorage of magic superhero pills.
if such an extraordinary circumstance could exist, as to evoke memories of a magic euphoria, tonight would have been such.
a consummate musician. an artist in every sense of the word. music and lights that brought me to the edge of a cliff. and dropped me off.
an extraordinary circumstance.
a superhuman sensation.
reality trumping fantasy.
d: extraordinary circumstances
b: senses with superhero memory
g: reality trumping fantasy
Thursday, June 3, 2010
procrastinating
to be so excited and so impatient for my move, i'm running up against an unexpected thread of procrastination in myself. admittedly, i'm a procrastinator. i do my best work at the 11th hour. but with only four weeks left before moving day and one and a half of them spent out of town - i'm perplexed to be fighting this disruly personality trait.
i did pack two boxes today. the first two. and i filled a cabinet in my kitchen with things for the garage sale. but i'm not living in a home of excess. i purged and thinned a few months ago in preparation for the house to go on the market. and so when i open a cabinet or closet and think 'i'll just pack this all up' i hesitate. i think, 'but i'm going to use that..' or 'i'm going to want to wear that...' and suddenly the four, well technically two and a half, weeks until moving day seem like a year. 'how will i ever survive without my pizza pan?!'
we're leaving for the second of our three back to back vacations on sunday. i haven't packed for that either. it's a beach trip so it won't be hard to pack for. bathing suits, sun dresses, sandals. done. the moving truck on july 1st is another story.
when i moved into this house and bought the furniture that is now here i proclaimed that i'd never move myself again. i swore 'no more u-hauls' for me. this furniture is too damn heavy and the stairs too treacherous. and when i called and booked the mover this week, i felt all grown up. but now i'm looking around and thinking things like, 'do i have to put that in a box?' because i know that when i've packed moving trucks in the past, many things just 'fit in'. you know, 'between the legs of that chair i can fit this hat box or those dumbbells.' but it seems like all the rules are changed now.
sigh
it's all going to be over in four short weeks. and when i'm all moved in, to the house on yorkshire road, the dread of packing will be well behind me. and the thrill of unpacking and setting up our new home will be upon me.
d: speed and efficiency when the procrastination passes
b: i packed two boxes!
g: purging and thinning months ago.
i did pack two boxes today. the first two. and i filled a cabinet in my kitchen with things for the garage sale. but i'm not living in a home of excess. i purged and thinned a few months ago in preparation for the house to go on the market. and so when i open a cabinet or closet and think 'i'll just pack this all up' i hesitate. i think, 'but i'm going to use that..' or 'i'm going to want to wear that...' and suddenly the four, well technically two and a half, weeks until moving day seem like a year. 'how will i ever survive without my pizza pan?!'
we're leaving for the second of our three back to back vacations on sunday. i haven't packed for that either. it's a beach trip so it won't be hard to pack for. bathing suits, sun dresses, sandals. done. the moving truck on july 1st is another story.
when i moved into this house and bought the furniture that is now here i proclaimed that i'd never move myself again. i swore 'no more u-hauls' for me. this furniture is too damn heavy and the stairs too treacherous. and when i called and booked the mover this week, i felt all grown up. but now i'm looking around and thinking things like, 'do i have to put that in a box?' because i know that when i've packed moving trucks in the past, many things just 'fit in'. you know, 'between the legs of that chair i can fit this hat box or those dumbbells.' but it seems like all the rules are changed now.
sigh
it's all going to be over in four short weeks. and when i'm all moved in, to the house on yorkshire road, the dread of packing will be well behind me. and the thrill of unpacking and setting up our new home will be upon me.
d: speed and efficiency when the procrastination passes
b: i packed two boxes!
g: purging and thinning months ago.
d:elivered
yesterday luke asked me to do a dbg for him as we drove to atlanta. he'd already answered the same question for me, so of course i obliged. my d was for income generating opportunities as a trainer. i think it's a piscean quality that i believe i can change the world or die trying and since i've become a personal trainer i've been much more interested in the helping aspect than the income aspect. and as such, i've been quick to volunteer and slow to advertise. i have no regrets about that, it's absolutely what i want to do every single time i do it; but in addition lately i've thought about how much i'd like to make some money changing the world.
and then yesterday i got my d. i met with someone about an opportunity to be a trainer this summer at a camp serving inner city children. the camp runs for six weeks, and as a trainer i'll be there an hour a day, four days a week. i'm going to be employed by a non-profit foundation that runs after-school fitness programs at some atlanta high schools. similar to my own philosophy, the organization has realized they can change lives with fitness. and they don't get paid to do it.
they are however paying their trainers. it's not big bucks, but when you'd take the job for free, anything is better than nothing. and even more than the money, there's the excitement and satisfaction of being part of something i can believe in. contributing to an organization in a way that fulfills me and answers a need in the community that is dear to me.
truly i feel as though i was given a gift with this opportunity and it's simply icing on the cake that it was an immediate manifestation of a verbalized desire.
d: abundance
b: i'm open to opportunity
g: immediate manifestation
and then yesterday i got my d. i met with someone about an opportunity to be a trainer this summer at a camp serving inner city children. the camp runs for six weeks, and as a trainer i'll be there an hour a day, four days a week. i'm going to be employed by a non-profit foundation that runs after-school fitness programs at some atlanta high schools. similar to my own philosophy, the organization has realized they can change lives with fitness. and they don't get paid to do it.
they are however paying their trainers. it's not big bucks, but when you'd take the job for free, anything is better than nothing. and even more than the money, there's the excitement and satisfaction of being part of something i can believe in. contributing to an organization in a way that fulfills me and answers a need in the community that is dear to me.
truly i feel as though i was given a gift with this opportunity and it's simply icing on the cake that it was an immediate manifestation of a verbalized desire.
d: abundance
b: i'm open to opportunity
g: immediate manifestation
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