so, i'm sure nobody expected me to be writing again so soon. i mean, if i had a dime for every time i said, 'i'm getting back to my blog' i wouldn't be stressing the wedding expenses..or anything else. but here i am, less than 24 hours later, and burning with a topic about which i want to vent, er i mean, creatively express myself.
and i can't.
or rather, i shouldn't.
in a rare exercise of self-restraint i'm going to keep my mouth, and fingers, quiet on this particular topic. and instead write about ... ummm. i'm not sure.
this morning i registered todd for a school trip to spain next spring. (yes, they promote early sign-up to help offset the ginormous expense.) it's one of those things where i felt my heart flutter when i did it because i know it's a very big deal, a once-in-a-lifetime experience for a young teen. i get a thrill out of giving the boys things i never had. but the magnitude doesn't escape me.
i've felt a similar flutter as we write checks for the wedding, but it's not quite as easy. i keep reminding myself that i deserve this once-in-a-lifetime experience too.
today i'm choosing to trust in the flow of the universe. in the flow of abundance. i trust that everything will work out as it should. todd will have his trip. we'll have the wedding. and the irs..well, they can get in line. as best i can tell, they aren't going anywhere.
d: trust in the flow
b: restraint of the tongue
g: abundance
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
comeback
today i played my third tennis match of the season. i won. in three sets. (which means i lost the first one, in case you're as tennis illiterate as i was two years ago.)
at some point in the first set i noticed that my mind was already doing the calculations on my division rating assuming a loss. i was even crafting a facebook status despairing the match. in the first set. and when i realized where my head was, that i'd already mentally thrown in the towel, i had a come-to-jesus moment with myself. the score was 1-5 at that point. i managed to win the next two games to bring the first set to a 3-6 close.
when i walked to the baseline to serve for the first game of the second set i said to myself, 'so now you're going to have to play three sets.' and after my opponent won the first two games of the second set, i told myself to focus only on 'play your best tennis for this point, just this one,' before each point.
and when i won the next three games in a row i suddenly had a vision of my last match. why it hadn't popped into my consciousness before that is beyond me. in that particular match, i'd quickly won the first set, but then found myself in the second set down 1-5. and came back to win 7-6. five games in a row. and a tie break.
i'm the comeback kid! i repeated this affirmation to myself for the remaining dozen or so games and indeed it was true.
it's been a month since i've written creatively. in consideration of the month i've had, i've been disappointed that my writing hasn't flourished. i've accessed some things in myself that have been long out of reach - perhaps always out of reach. and yet, the one thing i most want more of, i haven't been able to access at all.
there have been many other lulls in my writing... but usually those times are wall to wall with ideas and not enough focus or time to put them onto paper. and this was the opposite. desire and focus and time..and no ideas. it's been boggling to me.
tonight on our way home from todd's taekwondo classes in snellville, i was racking my brain for any creative buds. wishing i had something, anything at all even, to inspire me. and here i landed.
i'm a comeback kid.
not particularly inspired, but somewhat reassured. i may be down a handful of games, but i know i'll comeback. consider this your warning, or perhaps the literary equivalent of a save-the-date, my creative comeback is at hand. and i hope you will too.
d: continued comeback victories
b: i can comeback from significant deficits
g: the hint of inspiration comingback
at some point in the first set i noticed that my mind was already doing the calculations on my division rating assuming a loss. i was even crafting a facebook status despairing the match. in the first set. and when i realized where my head was, that i'd already mentally thrown in the towel, i had a come-to-jesus moment with myself. the score was 1-5 at that point. i managed to win the next two games to bring the first set to a 3-6 close.
when i walked to the baseline to serve for the first game of the second set i said to myself, 'so now you're going to have to play three sets.' and after my opponent won the first two games of the second set, i told myself to focus only on 'play your best tennis for this point, just this one,' before each point.
and when i won the next three games in a row i suddenly had a vision of my last match. why it hadn't popped into my consciousness before that is beyond me. in that particular match, i'd quickly won the first set, but then found myself in the second set down 1-5. and came back to win 7-6. five games in a row. and a tie break.
i'm the comeback kid! i repeated this affirmation to myself for the remaining dozen or so games and indeed it was true.
it's been a month since i've written creatively. in consideration of the month i've had, i've been disappointed that my writing hasn't flourished. i've accessed some things in myself that have been long out of reach - perhaps always out of reach. and yet, the one thing i most want more of, i haven't been able to access at all.
there have been many other lulls in my writing... but usually those times are wall to wall with ideas and not enough focus or time to put them onto paper. and this was the opposite. desire and focus and time..and no ideas. it's been boggling to me.
tonight on our way home from todd's taekwondo classes in snellville, i was racking my brain for any creative buds. wishing i had something, anything at all even, to inspire me. and here i landed.
i'm a comeback kid.
not particularly inspired, but somewhat reassured. i may be down a handful of games, but i know i'll comeback. consider this your warning, or perhaps the literary equivalent of a save-the-date, my creative comeback is at hand. and i hope you will too.
d: continued comeback victories
b: i can comeback from significant deficits
g: the hint of inspiration comingback
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