golden

a little over a year ago, i developed a severe pain in my right hip. well, actually in both hips, but more so on the right. it mainly seemed to appear after running and actually served as a pretty powerful deterrent to that end. i've never been a big long distance runner, but i did run a few miles at a time, a few times a week, pretty regularly for a while there. and then i discovered spin and fell in love with it.

my running was replaced with spin and, as i'm prone to do, i jumped in headfirst, fully immersing myself in five classes a week. which didn't leave much time in my cardio plan for running. oh well, no big loss. or so i thought.

after about six months (or more?) of spinning four to five times a week, one day i hopped on the treadmill. it wasn't hard to bang out a couple of miles and i remember patting myself on the back, thinking that spin hadn't ruined me for everything else. (i'm fully aware of the importance of variety in an exercise routine after all.)

until the next morning.
when i could barely walk.
suddenly i was 110 years old with a bum hip.

i immediately assumed that i'd developed some sort of muscular imbalance from spinning so long and that more running would rebuild and remedy the issue. but it didn't turn out to be that simple. after running more and spinning less for a while, i saw a sports medicine doctor. and a physical therapist. neither were clear what the issue was, but i learned some stretches and exercises that i could do to try and help. long story short - it would have taken much more time than i was willing to commit to try and find the elusive cure.

however, the best thing the PT gave me was a transdermal anti-inflammatory patch to stick on my hip, called flector. that thing was amazing. wow. like a cortisone shot (oh i got one of those too) without the needle.

it's been well over a year now and the pain comes and goes depending on the amount of running i'm doing. spring tennis means that my hip is killing me, but it's starting to feel normal. as in, the pain feels normal. if it didn't hurt i probably wouldn't know what to do.

haley has a similar ailment with her knees. intermittent (less inter and more mittent, truth be told) pain in both knees; aggravated by tennis and her stair-climbing job. i gave her a flector patch last night (i recently filled a prescription for them - may as well, while i still have insurance, right?) and this morning she woke up and exclaimed, 'my knees don't hurt! i can't remember them feeling this good!!'

between the two of us and our joint pain, we're hobbling around like golden girls. i always loved that tv show when i was a kid. i doubt that young girls were the target audience, but it was one of my favorite sitcoms, back when sitcoms were the rage.

and in fact, many times (as an adult) i've daydreamed about my fifties. (i can't believe i'm admitting this.) i've always looked at women at that age, whether in the workplace or elsewhere, and envied them a bit. it seems that around that time there's more wisdom and serenity. more calm and less wave. more deep bonds and less drama. more confidence and less worry. more play and less work. yes, it's always been a stage of life that i think will be fun.

and, perhaps best of all, it's the second half. it seems to me that we have to do much more of the hard stuff in this first half. grow up. get an education. find a partner. raise children. make a living. build a home. never mind all the emotional growth that's overarching these basic processes.

and the second half? well, physical pain i guess. and death. (everyone else's, i mean)
yes, the second half is decidedly golden in comparison.

golden girls. golden years.
i generally prefer silver, but this may be the exception.

d: a sneak preview of golden wisdom, in equal measure to my early golden pain
b: my pain threshold is rising, in preparation for my golden years
g: flector. yes. flector.

neighborhood

i've spent quite a number of hours over the past two days erasing the dirt and grime from my driveway and porches. i opted not to pay someone for the task of pressure washing and now that it's all said and done, i'm ambivalent about whether that was the right decision or not.

i think, for the most part, it was. it saved me over $200 and cost me only time, the flesh of my hands, a few gallons of gasoline, the ache in my upper back (a workout!), and whatever running my water for 8 hours continuously will do to my utilities. i suppose it would have cost the latter regardless.

one of my friends told me that she enjoyed doing this, when she'd done it in the past. something about it being satisfying because of the immediate gratification. and i could relate to that. and it made the task bearable - though i wouldn't go so far as enjoyable. for the first hour, at least.

by then, all the obvious metaphors had flitted through my head and all i could think about was 'why? why, is this necessary?' and 'will it really make my house sell faster?' because if not, i don't really mind grey concrete. i really don't.

and of course, once you've begun, the answer becomes just that. where the grey concrete may have been just fine, an hour ago, now the line between clean and yet-to-clean is all you can see; and leaving it half undone would be more offensive.

i thought a lot about my neighborhood while i was cleaning the past eight years of grime off my driveway. there are only 59 houses in the subdivision and i had the pleasure of walking through nearly all of them before they were complete. my house was in the first ten built. i even worked briefly in the sales office over a holiday, assisting the primary agent. we'd become friends in the process of building my house and so we had fun choosing paint and brick and kitchen color schemes for the spec houses.

when i was cleaning my junk drawer out in the kitchen (truly, this house has been turned inside out in the past few weeks) i found a neighborhood schematic where i'd written notes about each of the owners as i met them. and for the first year or so, while everyone was under construction and in the excited and stressful throes of correcting the countless mistakes made by sloppy contractors, we all were quite neighborly. commiserating and celebrating together.

most of the homes were purchased by young families. my boys were some of the older children in the first phase of the neighborhood, and they were only 3 and 5. all of the kids played together in the streets, any minute the sun was shining. perhaps that's another reason we all behaved so neighborly.

but at some point, the doors all closed. strange, unneighborly things started to happen.

for example, my boys were told by two of their favorite playmates that they couldn't come over to our house any more because their parents didn't approve of gay people. i confronted the childrens' mother when i next saw her walking her dog and she, quite embarrassed, stammered out, 'yeah, well.. we don't approve of that sort of lifestyle.' i pointed out that it wasn't anything that would affect her children - similar ages to the boys; 'it's not contagious.' and while i was at it, i added that i didn't really approve of all the mounted deer heads her husband has hanging in her home, but i still let the boys go there to play.

one neighbor who had built a tall privacy fence in her backyard complained to me that my cat would walk along the top of it. she said, 'can you keep your cat off my fence?' i said, 'sure, i'll talk to him.' umm, ok. i know he's fat, but he's not going to hurt your precious fence.

a few years later when i got sick and spent most of a summer either in the hospital or recovering, my grass grew a few inches too tall. i got a reminder from the homeowner's association to remedy it. i replied immediately, by email, explaining my near fatal medical crisis and resulting circumstance and that as soon as i was either physically or financially able, i would take care of it. i did not receive a response, so i resent it to a neighbor i knew personally that was also on the board. still no reply. but i didn't receive any further notices about my lawn either.

some time later.. maybe six months.. i was at a nearby store and ran into a neighbor that i hadn't seen in a year or more. she said, 'oh, how are you? i heard you were sick...'

i guess they did receive my email after all. and shared it with the neighborhood.

yes, the doors were decidedly closed i realized then. it was nothing like mockingbird hill i lived on when i was a kid. if my mom needed an extra egg or we ran out of honey i was sent to a neighbor's house to borrow it. and it was the most ordinary thing ever.

sidenote: i'll say that i've met a few of the people in the second phase here and they are different. there are a few neighbors that are actually neighborly.

i won't be sad to leave this subdivision when we move. there are comforts of the house i'll certainly miss, but i look forward to a community where community is the rule rather than the exception. it will be one of my very top neighborhood criteria.

d: sure, you can borrow a cup of sugar.
b: for once, i'm in the good graces of the homeowner's association with the cleanest driveway in embassy walk.
g: tuesday is the end of the month and my house is 99% ready for sale. right on time.

closets

tonight i'm in bed with my laptop and my legs feel like lead. today i managed to pull off the three-a-day workout ideal i'd strived for on my birthday. practiced my tennis serve this morning, then to the gym and tonight - taekwondo. it happened to be shoulders and legs day today, so as i sit propped slightly up in my bed with lead legs extended; i also feel as though the entire roof of our house is sitting on my shoulders. especially my left one. yes, that's my long-winded way of telling you how ridiculously exhausted and sore i am tonight.

but it's the best sort of tired and sore, so i'm just explaining - not complaining.

today i finished the last of the closets in the house. the boys'. yesterday i knocked out the stair closet and the pantry. it's an interesting state of affairs at the house now. whereas normally everything the average eye could see would be tidy and neat (or neat'ish) while the closets and cabinets are dangerously spring-loaded with mess; at this very moment it's the reverse.

every closet is so organized and sparingly utilized that we could be poster children for california closets, or whoever it is that makes a killing with those closet organizers. but when you close the closet doors and look around, the place is a disaster. there's a layer of dust on every surface. fifty-five gallon garbage bags holding sorted storage/garage sale/garbage are filling every available inch. the bathrooms need to be dunked in lysol. and did i mention the floors are covered in wood chips and pine cone debris (thanks to mega and a kirby that won't go.)

but, i think we're getting closer. (i think.) now that closets and playroom are in order, i simply have to pull off an entire house cleaning at one time. (i say 'at one time' because i generally clean a couple of rooms at a time and then brush my hands together and say, 'that'll do' until a couple other rooms tip the scale from livable to disgusting.) and then maintain it.

yep, piece of cake.

i do have to say though, it's felt great to clean the closets, cabinets, and junk drawers. today nancy was here helping and she said, 'it's as it should be: the trash bag is the fullest, followed by the garage sale bag, and the smallest bag is storage.' i have to agree.

i will admit that this the first garage sale i've ever had, personally. and it barely counts as 'personally' since i'm doing it in conjunction with a neighborhood wide garage sale. but even so, this is the first time, in my roughly 18 years since i moved out, that my garage or yard will sport tables of stuff that i'd just as soon haul to goodwill.

this is the house i've lived in longer than any other. longer than any childhood home. longer than any adult home. simply the longest.

i'd say it's definitely time to clean the closets. can the trash. carefully stow the precious memories. and put to use the balance.

make room for the new.

d: empty closets to fill. in a new address.
b: no more guilty messes. now it's all out in the open.
g: almost done. seriously, almost done.

wind

wind blowing through her ears, er hair, mega is her happiest. escaping to the mountains this weekend we took advantage of the idyllic weather to put the top down, fasten mega to her seatbelt, and let the wind usher us all into another realm.

the wind stayed with us all weekend. a soft, breezy wind; unlike the winds that cut through your outer layers or sneak in your collar. unlike the winds that push you off balance, gusting harshly when you least expect it.

soft, breezy springtime wind is different. it gently wakes you in the morning. it cools your sweaty brow when the sun peaks. and it announces the arrival of sexy dusk.

and the soft, breezy wind of mountain air smells so good.

but perhaps the soft, breezy wind i loved the most this weekend was the wind hitting my face as i sped downhill on a mountain bike. i hadn't been on a mountain bike, or any bike actually, since i was 20. and as we all know, that's been a teen lifetime ago.

i wanted very much to take the mountain biking excursion when haley and i discussed options for the weekend. i remembered that on discovery, a college wilderness trip, despite several dreadful hills that required pushing, i absolutely loved the mountain biking. on the three week backpacking trip that included white water paddling, flat water paddling (yawn), rock climbing and mountain biking - the latter was the very best part. the very best. and i've always wanted to do it again.

so, we did. we rented bikes, were dropped off by a shuttle, and took a fourteen mile ride on a forest service road. it started with a fairly intense climb and i approached it with curious intensity. i wondered how i would fare against the mountain in my recently aged body. after all, i was twenty when i did it before and i remember it being quite hard.

and then the wind. the soft, breezy wind on the down side of the climb and i realized i was smiling. because i was still on my bike. i was breathing hard but i wasn't in pain. i was moving slow at times, but i was moving.

the climb? lost in the wind.

the soft, breezy wind of the downhill rush blew into my soul somehow and now i can't stop thinking about it. i wanted to go work out today, but just couldn't get excited about a stationary bicycle in a canned air, neon painted, gym.

i'm officially in the market for a bike, i think it's fair to say. i don't want to spend a lot, but i don't want a junker either. i'm scanning the used classifieds and asking the universe to send me the right bike at the right price.

and until it arrives, mega and i will enjoy the soft, breezy wind off the passing cars in atlanta traffic. i do have a convertible after all.

d: downhill winds to propel me up the mountains.
b: i stayed on my bike the entire 14 miles. easier said than done.
g: a soft, breezy weekend.

eachother

my birthday weekend proved to be simply the best birthday ever.

in every way that is imaginable this vacation was the mirror opposite of my last, with the exception of the extreme fatigue that washed over us at night. and the tenor of every minute being miraculously more fun and more relaxing and more perfect than the one before. in fact, if our vacations continue to become better and better i'm afraid my head might explode.

we spent every daylight minute hiking, biking, tennis'ing, or shopping. (of course we had to get some shopping in. i mean, it's me and haley.) and loving. each other. the weather. mega. the sky. the colors. mega. the barrel cottage. the quiet. the breeze. each other. where we were. the waterfalls. the sunset. mega. (she's very lovable.)

each other.

although our new york vacation topped the chart at the time, i'm afraid it's being relegated to silver after this weekend. because although there wasn't a minute less than perfect in the big apple, my eyes were constantly trying to focus and absorb all the swirly, bright city had to offer. and they didn't have the pleasure of resting upon haley nearly enough.

truly, at the end of four days in new york, i'd used my iphone's camera twice and my real camera hadn't left its case. (of the two pictures i took - one was a celebrity sighting and the other a dreadful picture of haley on our last night after a very, very funny comment she made. we were sunk into two chairs at the madison avenue gap, of all places, and feeling content to stay there. forever.) so no, i didn't take or make the time to look at my haley nearly enough in new york.

but this weekend, i did.

this weekend for my birthday we took our time. we took our time and filled every minute with each other. and my weekend in the mountains was a weekend in love.

d: vacations to top vacations
b: i didn't think one time about my to-do list over the weekend.
g: a birthday gift of love and healing and escape: exactly what i needed.

birthday

it's my party and i'll cry if i want to. or, it's my birthday at least.

it seems as though the gods didn't decide to spare me any punches simply because it is march 18th. though luke is recovered from his stomach virus and there's no sign of it taking up residence in either todd or me, my day has left a knot in my stomach.

getting out of town in the morning is the only thing keeping me together.

i'm sure i sound like a broken record but the entire process of readying this house for sale is nearly worth the mortgage i can't afford. today i got a call from the handyman with an estimate on the repairs. $1900. when i clearly was speechless, he offered to knock $500 off. but that's sort of like taking it from a million to a hundred grand at this point.

(and this is just for the carpentry repairs. i still am owed a quote by the roofer and the landscaper.)

did i mention i'll be lucky to break even on the house with commissions, before i spend anything on repairs?

so, overwhelmed with the task is now taking a back seat to overwhelmed with the cost. and honestly, i thought the former pretty much filled the car.

yes, it's my birthday and i'll cry if i want to.

add to that things like my indestructible kirby vacuum deciding to take its last breath last night and too many sleep deprived nights and oh yeah i have to pay my car tag before midnight and the lizards haven't eaten in weeks, and, and...

yeah, things like that.

but all is not lost. i got a hair cut today. it looks great. haley and i found a new restaurant that absolutely will make our top five list (basil's for those of you in atlanta). the boys and i had dinner together and they each ordered salads with no urging from me. haley put together a rockin new play list for me to spin to and i gave myself a gift of fitness.

i planned three workouts for my birthday gift to myself. one first thing this morning. one in the late afternoon. and then todd and i were going to get in a third tae kwon do class for the week. i made the first two. the idea of course was to alleviate the guilt that would be forthcoming when i had birthday desserts. it worked, for the most part.

and now, haley just walked in from work. with a tres leches from tierra. oh well, we are about to bike, hike and tennis our way through a weekend getaway. i think i can have the cake.

d: escape to the mountains. asap.
b: i have the best friends and girlfriend: they are already at work on my handyman crisis.
g: it's my birthday and i can cry if i want to. or laugh. i choose the latter.

surprise

tomorrow is my birthday and let me tell you, haley has been acting weird. she asked me not to make any plans for the weekend until she 'knew if she was going to get called out (as in, not have to work) one of the nights.' well, sure. except she never finds that out until about 2:30 on the day of the shift. umm ok.

so, unable to wait until the literal last minute, i opted to make plans that would be exactly what i wanted to do. ie the house staging bash i wrote about yesterday. but as soon as i made the invitation she started getting nutty on me. last night i literally said to her, 'i'm sorry that my birthday plans aren't exactly what you have in mind.'

after this very strange conversation about her being frustrated with the reservations filling up friday and the plans i'd made for saturday i was totally exasperated. i mean really, whose birthday is it anyway? and such selfish behavior is really unlike haley.

confused, i turned to nancy. called her and rousted her from bed to decipher this insanity. i said, 'maybe she just really doesn't want to help me with the house...' we considered and dismissed a number of options and couldn't come up with anything viable to explain it. and so she counseled, 'just hold your own. it's your birthday and you should be able to do what you want.'

today, her strange behavior continued. now with an urgency to give me my present. today. 'no, it can't wait until tomorrow. not really.' umm ok.

and then - surprise!

a new suitcase (actually a wheeled duffle - something i've needed). and inside a card that says, 'pack yer shit' because we are getting out of town!

she'd actually requested this entire weekend off a while ago. all the theatrics about work and plans and her insistence that i wait until the last possible minute suddenly fell into place. we're leaving for a cabin in north georgia on friday morning. and i couldn't be more excited.

or more surprised.

considering haley never has managed to pull of a surprise for me, it deserves to be celebrated. (plus, it's almost my birthday and i think that's cause for celebration too.)

so, the house staging party is postponed by a week. and the new bag is waiting patiently to be filled. and my perfectly organized closet is going to enable record breaking speed packing, tomorrow night.

d: surprise me! tomorrow's my birthday after all.
b: i look much younger than my years. (or so i hear.)
g: there was a good explanation and haley really wasn't trying to just avoid the projects.