buckles

i woke up at 2:18 this morning, generally my bedtime in fact, after having a dream that a business friend was deteriorating in front of my eyes. he walked out of a cathedral we were touring and had wet his pants. his legs were buckling underneath him and his face was contorted. i'd received an email a week or so ago listing the signs of a stroke - the tests you could do - and a mnemonic for them. it escaped me. i started to panic. i never panic. then i panicked about the panic. i couldn't get my blackberry to unlock to dial 911 and i couldn't figure out why nobody else was noticing.

this morning i called dominick to see if he was ok. all was well.

[dreams are only interesting to the person who had them. i firmly believe that.]

this morning a close friend reminds me that in spite of yesterday's disappointment, i'm not deteriorating. my legs aren't buckling beneath me. (ok, well maybe my hip.) and panic is not necessary.

or maybe i will buckle. but i choose this definition of buckle: to prepare (oneself) for action; apply (oneself) vigorously to something. i will buckle now and create the answer i need.

d: something sweet... hmm, must go find a teeny tiny bite of chocolate to finish off that salad and then buckle down and get on with that creation.
b: i have a new blog. i won't haul off on a whim and delete this one.. more likely to let it die on a vine, but certainly won't take the steps to emphatically and deliberately delete words i've thoughtfully put to paper, er pixels.
g: i have real love in my life. unexpected and unbelievable, yet in every way natural and easy and undoubted.