squint

it was probably a dozen years ago when i first watched Bowling for Columbine.  i didn't see it immediately, but rather on dvd a couple years after release.  i recall being dumbfounded.  my world was smaller then and my abundant idealism obscured reality.  it was a period in my life though when the blinds were opened, one twist at a time.

with each turn of the rod, i not only saw more, but i squinted more.  in many ways, i have always believed myself insulated from the dangers and dangerous.  it infuriates those in my life who are self-described worriers, but i figure i balance out their fear with unabated optimism.  so as my heart has broken more with each passing headline, my eyes have narrowed in response.

and before you comment that this is the problem with people: willful ignorance let me clarify.  i am not turning from facts. i am not turning my head and pretending the evil and pain are merely there if i look.  on the contrary, as the blinds have opened, i find myself pressed against the glass, aching to see more.

my eye doctor once explained to me that there are two general patterns of vision impairment.  those who have terrible vision at a very young age and whose vision must be corrected with strong lenses forever.  and then those whose vision starts to degrade in puberty, levels out in the early twenties, and then improves slightly in your thirties.

and then there are those who have perfect vision their entire adult lives.  until middle age.  

regardless of your vision prior, it's an accepted fact that most people will suffer some age-related degeneration in middle age.  and it's then that we begin to squint.  i say 'we', but mind you, i'm not in this category yet.  let the record reflect that.  if you are of this certain age you can confirm, the squint does not impair the vision; but rather enables the eye to focus more clearly.  

it is this effect that my squinting strives to achieve. i squint to block the rhetoric. i squint to block the noise: the blame and fear.  i squint to block the clouding circumstance. and i focus my vision where my heart is focused, on loving compassion and hope for imminent change.

d: middle age squint for all
b: hope springs eternal
g: not quite middle age yet, per my eye doctor