gravity

Honey, it's been a long time coming

And I can't stop now

Such a long time running

And I can't stop now

Do you hear my heart beating? 

Can you hear that sound?

Cause I can't help thinking

And I don't look down

three and a half years is a long time.  that's how long it's been since my marriage ended and, by far, some of the lowest years of my life.  i went through all the stages of grief, backwards, forwards and over again before i reached a point of acceptance.  

and then, once there, it took me a bit (ok, a lot) longer to realize that i had been grieving more than the divorce, i was also grieving my dream of 'happily ever after' and 'the one,' for it became more and more clear that i didn't believe it could happen again.  'what if we only get one shot at it?' i bemoaned.  and did i deserve another great love anyway? 

a long time coming, indeed.  

And then I looked up at the sun

And I could see

Oh the way that gravity turns for you and me

And then I looked up at the sky and saw the sun

And the way that gravity pulls on everyone, on everyone

a little over a month ago, on the verge of throwing in the proverbial towel for the umpteenth time, i had a moment of neptunian romanticism and decided to update my somewhat apathetic online dating profile with a clear, albeit wordy, description of what i want.  who i am.  who i'm drawn to.  and though it was raw and honest, and left me exposed (perhaps as a woman who had set the bar too high), i felt as if i had no choice but to publish it.  even though i'd already literally deleted every local woman - save two - from the search results, i couldn't not say it.

the way that gravity pulls, indeed. 

Baby, it's been a long time waiting

Such a long, long time

And I can't stop smiling

No, I can't stop now

And do you hear my heart beating? 

Ah, can you hear that sound? 

Cause I can't help crying

And I won't look down

what do you know, forty-eight hours later, my package arrived.  (sort of like amazon prime.  guaranteed two-day delivery for free, which i absolutely expect from every online retailer now and am constantly disappointed and boggled by their inability to deliver on.)  it does beg the question, how many times do i have to see the power of manifestation in my life before it stops surprising me.  it took me a minute to realize i wasn't imagining her.. that she wasn't purely a creation of fantasy assigned to a person on the other side of a cyber chasm of space and time.  (and by 'minute' i mean a couple of weeks and looking into her smiling eyes, face-to-face.) 

can't stop smiling, indeed. 

And then I looked up at the sun and I could see

Oh the way that gravity turns on you and me

And then I looked up at the sun and saw the sky

And the way that gravity pulls on you and I, on you and I

it's been five weeks and though that's but a speck in time, it has changed me forever, already.  opening up my world with hope and love and overflowing gratitude. 

gravity turns, indeed.  

Can you hear my heart beating? 

Can you hear that sound? 

Cause I can't help crying

And I won't look down

(lyrics to 'Gravity' by Embrace) 

the tears are of joy and my eyes are held high.  and if you could hear that sound, it might resemble a train whistle.  

d:  hear the sound

b:  i set the bar high

g:  she blew it away