niceto

though at least one person advised, 'don't waste your time shopping in new york' haley and i fully ignored that advice. having visited several times before on business and never having had time to even brush the doorsteps of new york's stores and boutiques, there was much distance to cover. and haley? well, i love shopping. i do. but i'll admit that haley can shop me under the table. (and that's saying something.) so, new york without shopping? puh-leeze.

and so we spent at least half of our time - maybe more - doing just that, in fact. and though we didn't come home with armloads of new things, we did each find a few treasures that we love. but even more importantly, we know where to go next time! we found our sweet spots and we've already outlined our shopping strategy for new york, round two.

yesterday afternoon, our last opportunity to shop, we went to chelsea. though there weren't many stores with women's clothes, we did happen across a good will. a thrift store in new york city! score! it actually was quite small, but i did pick up a very cool mark ecko sweater. it's grey with a zipper up the front and the pockets and zippers are detailed with leather trim. it was just a few dollars, so i scooped it up.

tonight i took the plastic bag out of my suitcase and tried it on. i hadn't fully decided if i'd give it to todd or keep it for myself. it's fairly androgenous and would probably fit us both. but once i put it on, it was mine. it looked like it was made for me. i can see it becoming a wardrobe favorite in no time.

as i examined it, specifically i was looking for washing instructions, i noticed that it had a dry cleaning tag still attached to the label. it had a new york phone number and a name.

niceto festin

not exactly a common name so i read it a few times before i decided that's actually what it was. 'is this a street name?' 'is it part of a drycleaner's name?' and then, of course, i googled it. (that's what you do, right?)

turns out, niceto festin was a broadway wannabe. originally from seattle, he was active in the theater up there and then made a move to new york city. he landed a role in an off-broadway show in 2002 and then a couple of years later, put out a cd of cabaret music called 'loving that man'. he launched his cd over pride weekend in 2004 at a benefit party for an organization that aids performing artists without health insurance, specifically for the treatment of hiv. (did i mention niceto is gay?) no internet presence of any kind since that cd launch. i hope he's happily occupied doing something he loves with the man who inspired the cd.

i bought a great jacket in new york. i love it and i know i'll get a lot of use out of it. i also picked up a scarf that is so soft i want to wear it as a toga and so beautiful i want to hang it on the wall. and the deal of the weekend was on this delicious blue and black buffalo sweater. originally $118. i paid $17 and change.

but, when i look at the few things i brought home from the city, niceto's sweater has a sweet significance.

nice to.
nice to be here.
nice to meet you.

though not my first time in new york, it was definitely my first time meeting new york.

haley said that she's always heard people say visiting new york does one of two things. either it makes you want to live there; or it makes you grateful that you don't.

tonight, laying in my bed, i feel a million miles from where i woke up on 50th street. and i can relate to what she heard.

kinda.

i feel both.

d: new york, round two
b: shopping success in the city
g: stories in the seams

gloria

when i gave haley tickets to new york for christmas we both went into super-savings mode for the trip. not only was it a month after christmas, but also coincided with our anniversary (not coincidentally), valentines and the likelihood of a january slump in the restaurant industry (affecting us both). that being said, we both left for new york with a comfortable, though not extravagant, spending budget.

we scored a great rate on a hotel through a discount booking site of just over a hundred bucks a night. of course, it was the smallest room they had, but we weren't planning to spend much time there awake anyway. it appeared to be clean from the pictures and reviews we saw and the location was perfect. a block from the metro and walking distance to almost everything in midtown. (okay, a long walk to some places, but really, very central.)

when our cab pulled up to the hotel on friday, i was relieved to see it flanked by established and upscale hotels and shops. haley and i rushed the counter, a little wrinkled from the plane, but excited and ready. a friendly middle-aged black woman greeted us and began the check-in process. we were there a couple hours before the official check in time, so we offered to come back later if our room wasn't ready. she offered us one on the second floor but then wrinkled her nose when haley asked if it had a view. she said, 'hmm, you should wait.. we'll get you a better view in a little while.'

but then she saw that our reservation only came through to their computer system for one night, rather than the two we had booked. i had a confirmation showing otherwise, but before i could dig it out of my email inbox she reassured us that she would extend it. and then she said, 'and since you're staying a second night i'm going to put you in a nicer room... ' and then she leaned over the counter a little and said, conspiratorially, 'it's a suite' and smiled at us.

'really? a suite?! thank you so much!' we chorused.
'well, you were sweet...' she replied.

when i was 18, i got my first car. a grey chevy nova. as it represented and provided freedom and independence for me, i named it 'gloria' to express my gratitude. it's the only car i've ever named.

as i took the room keys from our new friend at the hotel, i noticed her name tag: Gloria. how fitting, i thought, as i was filled with gratitude again. our room rocked. it was not only huge, but also had a full kitchen. we didn't eat a single breakfast out all weekend.

gloria.

after we deposited our luggage in the suite, we left for the metro station. before we got there, we were intercepted by a woman on her way out of town. she gave us her metrocard, with unlimited trips for another day and a half.

gloria.

sunday after we visited moma, we wanted to see a show on broadway. we didn't have tickets, but i'd heard that some theaters had opened their lotteries up to the public. so we hoofed it over to the booth theater to see what the lottery details were for 'next to normal.' it was 5:27 and the lottery opened at 5:30 for the 7:30 show. at 6 o'clock they drew names to give 26 tickets out to lottery winners for $25 each. haley's name was the seventh name called. incidentally, mine was called out too, but i passed since she already had our tickets.

fourth row. center orchestra. $25 each. a truly amazing show.

gloria.

and so our trip went. one gift of abundance after another.

d: may the lottery winning continue
b: centered in the flow of abundance
g: the big apple served up sweet and juicy

pack

on the street the people of new york move in packs created by the
timing of the walk signals. yet these packs move at a speed more akin
to an olympic speed skating team than a pack of mules. perhaps it's
because the air temperature is in the 20's, never mind the wind.

i don't think so though.

for one thing, Iive found in the past couple of days that the
easiest way to pick a native out of the crowd is to look for the most
under dressed person. my brother stood on the sidewalk tonight talking
to us in a hoodie and a t-shirt, similar in weight to my fall, porch-
sitting attire. in georgia. haley pointed out that while she was
shivering in her long johns, long sleeve shirt, down coat, gloves, and
hat, he didn't even seem aware of the temperature.

and the other reason i don't suspect the winter weather is the pace
setter is because i've been here in the summer.

the pack moves just as fast then.

i believe instead that the sidewalk speed is simply an indicator of
the energy level in new york. in a city with as much packed between
two sequential streets as atlanta has in the entirety of its few
walking-shopping zones combined, you would have to go fast to even
scratch the surface.

and yet i wonder how many new yorkers are endeavoring to scratch the
surface. the endless pursuit of the next walk signal could blur the
scenery.

d: a pace outside the pack
b: i'm scratching the surface
g: still two more days!!

subway

a young black man in work pants splattered with paint enters the
train. i say to haley, 'what's that furry thing he's holding under
his coat?' she tries to get a glimpse as he passes but he's
positioning himself in the center of the car to make an announcement.
'i'm a struggling opera singer trying to make ends meet. if you hear
anything you like and can spare some change, i would much appreciate
it.' he opens his jacket and pulls out a brown fleecy bag of change
which he holds open during his performance. 'this is tchaikovsky.'

a tired older woman leans her head against the tall rails bordering
the subway car doors. it's 6 o'clock on friday on the northbound
train. i look down to make sure my feet are securely planted before
the train jerks to a stop; and as people shift to deboard i see her
hand stretching through the rails and being held tenderly by a grey,
aged man, slightly stooped to reach his wife's hand.

there are two boys in the corner of the car. they remind me of my own.
brothers with warm winter coats and backpacks, though no apparent
guardian alongside they are fully at ease on the metro. the older one
is probably todd's age, 12, and the other maybe a little younger than
luke. they are play fighting in a very familiar way and a maternal
warmth fills me.

just a few glimpses from the day. just a few of the reasons i love
this city so.

d: more city, more city, more city till i burst
b: inspired to write so strongly I'm doing it from my phone
g: stories everywhere i look

perfect

i've had the weirdest day. really. i don't know if the moon is to blame or the cold rainy weather, but something about today set me off on the wrong foot and i haven't gotten my footing yet. and now, it's bedtime, so i'm throwing in the towel.

after i write. because i tried retail therapy, i tried talk therapy, i tried sugar therapy, i tried exercise therapy and pretty much that leaves only writing and sleep. (my money is on the latter, but i'm willing to exhaust all possibilities.)

in the morning haley and i are leaving for new york city. she's never been and i haven't been for fun; so we're going to explore and play and explore some more. and did i mention freeze? that too. i've been so excited and impatient for it to be here, but now that it's the day, er night, before i'm swirling with anxiety about it.

i don't generally have anxiety about travel. i'm good with planes, trains and automobiles; so to speak. but what i'm not good with is expectation and hype. and i think that's where my trouble lies.

i liken this to the new year's eve phenomenon. there's always so much build up and anticipation and count down. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6... but unless you are in fact standing in times square, it really never delivers on the promise. it's just another tick tock and then a new year. and i always, and i do mean always, find myself promising to expect less from new year's eve. the best ones i can recall were the ones where i was home and did nothing. then my reality met my expectation at least.

and so, i think that today was some of that same thing going on. i left the house this morning for the office, planning to only stop in and then head to the gym. all total i'd be done by the time the boys got home from school, as it was an early release day. then i could pack. hang out. relax.

but instead, i went to the office as planned and then hit a procrastination detour that added about three hours to my morning. oh, make that afternoon. what was the detour, you ask? oh. nothing at all. just ambivalence about what gym to go to. what route to take. what to wear. oh! what to wear? that means, i must need to stop and do some shopping. (never mind that i was already wearing my gym clothes.) a couple of stores and a pit stop at home later... i made it to the gym.

all told, this put me back at home to begin my packing, after making a very late lunch, around 5 o'clock. but it isn't so much the procrastination, because that's sort of my MO (i enjoy the pressure it provides); the thing that was unusual was my mood. i felt fragile and scattered, rather than energetic and frenzied. (and i do mean fragile. for example, i broke into tears twice when discussing the upcoming separation from mega.)

i want everything to be perfect. i agonized over what to wear.
i want everything to be perfect. i agonized over what shoes to bring.
i want everything to be perfect. i agonized over the weather.
i want everything to be perfect. i agonized over entertainment options.
i want everything to be perfect. i agonized over what i don't yet know to agonize about.

no. i didn't.
i procrastinated instead. i distracted myself with anything. and then with something else.

but i do want everything to be perfect. and so i was a bundle of nerves all day.

deep sigh.

it's bedtime now. and i'm going to wake up with a different point of view.

because i'm sure i didn't pack perfectly. i'm sure the weather won't be flawless. the travel probably will have a few hiccups. i'm sure we'll get lost at some point. and no doubt we'll eat some foods we wish we hadn't.

but... me and haley in new york. it doesn't get much more perfect than that.

d: anxiety-quieting sleep
b: i'm 99% packed and will get more than 6 hours of sleep.
g: vacation awaits!

daffodils

-photo by renee lewis

as i stood on the haley's back porch this morning watching the five dogs, i noticed that the air felt almost spring like. i know it's only february 3rd and i didn't check, but i assume the groundhog yesterday gave some omen that winter is going to last forever (because i wish for the opposite) but - nevermind that - it still felt spring like. there was a chill in the air, but the sun was warm. i even heard some birds.

and as i stood there, looking around the yard, i noticed something unexpected. i think it's fair to say that the yard on selman street is still in pre-renovation status. most of the brush and construction debris have been removed, but the grass and landscaping are still at very early planning stages (and i do mean very early).

but today, i noticed a line through the middle of the yard. a line that went from the bottom of the stairs all the way to the back fence, disecting the yard in two, passing under a plastic table and between two chairs. it was a line about five inches wide and formed by the green stalks of daffodils pushing up through the soil.

spring indeed.

in a yard without grass it was perhaps even more startling, but even in my own garden i am always caught off guard by the first emerging stalks. i popped back into the kitchen and announced the incoming oracles of spring to haley and her sister. the daffodils seem to follow a former stone path through the yard and that makes my mind wander.

the past path faded into history. a bulb hidden underground. growing. multiplying. gaining strength. preparing through the bleak winter. (ok, not so bleak. but pretty damn cold to a southern girl.) and then, through the cool of a frosty night into the warmth of a spring-like day emerging fresh and strong. ready to share their beauty. ready to brighten an otherwise barren expanse. ready to show the fruit of so many cold winters.

i can relate to that.

daffodils naturalize too. that's one of the reasons i've always appreciated them so. over time, in the right place, with the right amounts of nourishment, the fruit of the bulb multiplies. (well, technically the bulb divides in two, then three, etcetera; but give me some poetic license here.)

it's been a year since haley and i were first emerging from our respective cold winters to find each other. a year ago we were tentatively pushing through the layers, reaching for the warmth of our spring.

and now.. like the daffodils...our fruit has grown. multiplied. and emerged.

yesterday, haley and i had lunch at our favorite chinese restaurant. we are regulars, order the same thing each time, sit together on one side of the booth, and always marvel at the diverse crowd that we observe there. the restaurant was fairly empty yesterday, but when we got up to leave we passed a solitary middle-aged white man in a booth a few away from ours. he was facing us, but honestly, i hadn't noticed him at all. he looked like anyone's dad, or a young grandparent.

as we left and passed his booth, he looked at us and said, 'you two look sweet together. you are a very sweet couple... i just wanted to tell you that.' we thanked him politely and left hand in hand.

that happened a lot when we were first falling in love. i'm happy to know our flowers are still strong and bright.

d: daffodils by the armful
b: a bloom of love, still fresh and new
g: naturalizing naturally

asset

-photo by renee lewis

it remains to be seen how my own ebay venture turns out, but luke, on the other hand, has mastered it. clearing well over $100 in less than a week, he's practically an expert i'd say.

i wrote not long ago about his need for quick cash - quick only because everything he wants, he wants immediately - and i spared you 'the rest of the story', in which his anquish over the money-making process drove me to the brink of insanity. but now that he has the money in hand, or close at hand at least, he's entered a new phase of torture. now he's tortured about choosing the right item on which to spend it. at the moment, there are two up for consideration; and he's leaning one way and then the other on the hour.

i waffle between amusement, confusion, and irritation over his process but net out usually at curiosity. curious how he and todd are so markedly different in this way and yet both children of mine. admittedly luke gets the obsessive gene and the thrill of the spend trait from me. but the anguish and unrelenting fervor with which he pursues what he wants is frightening. i think perhaps it's me untempered by responsibility and less distractable ("oh look, something pretty!") that i see manifested in luke when it comes to shopping.

but maybe not just responsibility; maybe also an appreciation for things that don't have a price tag. i worry that's what he's lacking and i feel a burden to try and impart that to him.

on the other hand, luke is the connector in the family. or at the very least, the most connected. he is never out of touch. last night haley and i were at jackie's birthday dinner at a restaurant, todd and luke home with a sitter. i get a text: 'how's it going?' i reply, 'great.. love you.' and he writes back, 'i love you too.' no agenda. just a connection. i get calls from him regularly when he's away at his dad's. just to see how i'm doing. what i'm up to. if i'm having a good weekend. when the ice hit atlanta a few weeks ago, i got a text from him that said, 'be careful driving mommy.'

so i know luke has a soft side. i'm one of the lucky few that are privy to it. i just wish he knew that it was in fact his most valuable asset.

d: may his tenderness temper his fervor in the pursuit.
b: my son is an ebay power seller.
g: luke believes in abundance and centers himself in it.