payoff

i was a kid that always had a job growing up.  and i mean, always.  when i was 14 i went to the mall mcdonald's and told the manager i was 15.  he said, well, you really need to be 16 to work here, but we'll just change the year by one...  the school was lax about handing out work permits, so i picked up a blank one and magically i entered the work force, one basket of french fries at a time.   

that was my first job, and thankfully short-lived, but there was never a gap in my employment after that for more than a few weeks.  (at least not that i can recall.) i won't do the math for you, but suffice it to say since i've been working for over a quarter of a century, i consider myself something of an authority on the matter. 

having been a teenager that always was balancing academics, social, and a part time job myself,  i've spent a good deal of time thinking about how i'd approach that matter with my own children.  it definitely contributed to my responsibility and problem-solving skills and instilled a firm grasp on the value of a dollar, but these lessons came at a price.  i rarely attended a football game.  i couldn't travel to atlanta with my third year french class to see Les Mis.  i was involved in very few academic extra-curriculars and none that met after school.  and i believed myself an island, rather than a family member, in my household; prompting me to move out as soon as i got a car and turned 18...spring of my senior year.  

i've told both my boys that i wouldn't allow them to work during the school year,  (not that they are beating the door down to enter the work force, mind you); but after todd's sophomore year of high school i did tell him i wanted him to either work or volunteer over the summer.  in other words, playing video games and sleeping the days away weren't going to cut it for his summer pastime.  (at the heart of this was my grandmother's refrain, 'Idle hands are the devil's workshop'.)

when we first discussed it, todd was confused as to why he would volunteer if a paying job was the alternative.  a reasonable question for a sixteen year old, right?  i expected it and was prepared. 

this time in your life is unique.  there aren't many others like it.  you don't have to make money to live right now.  you have the ability to spend your time doing something that may make a difference to you and others, exploring things you are curious about or passionate about.  learning and experiencing life in ways you haven't yet.  

he countered that a paying job would be a new experience too.  (did i mention he's a varsity debater?) but again, i was prepared.  (apple...tree, yeah, you get it.)

i don't want you to make this decision based on something as trivial as minimum wage. if you would rather get a job in retail or fast food, by all means, go for it.  but if you find a cause or organization you'd rather donate your time to, i will pay you the same wage you'd make elsewhere.  

(mom 1, todd 0)

he took me up on that offer and volunteered last summer at a children's theater.  not as many hours as i'd have liked, but it did have the intended impact.  he felt great about his contribution there.  he told me after two days that he would have done it even if i weren't paying him.  (never mind that he wouldn't have known this fact...details)  and as a bonus, the universe rewarded him for his generosity of time with someone special.  (they just celebrated a first year anniversary.)

(mom 1, todd 1) 

so this summer when we started talking about his plan, he mentioned getting a job.  he wanted to earn money because now he has something to spend it on (see aforementioned someone special).. and had a few ideas of places to apply.  but then one day, as we chatted about this, he said wistfully, i wish i could volunteer at the civil rights museum...  and i said, well, why didn't you ask?  

he enthused, really??  you'd do that again?? 
wave of gratitude rushed over me.
it worked. 
he is passionate about human and civil rights.  he truly is moved to tears by the violations he reads of.  and he initiated this giving of his time from the place i hoped it would come, his heart.

this exchange was an unexpected bonus for me.  i realized that, in fact, he had learned something i thought unattainable from unpaid work: the value of a dollar.  and an appreciation that this offer i made him is worth much more than he would be paid bagging groceries at kroger.

(mom 2, todd 1)

d:  tomorrow i'll write the blog i had intended to write today
b:  i win!
g:  a payoff much bigger than the amount paid