reciprocation

i've been listening to an audiobook in all my un-sewing time, of which there have been many hours, and uncovered a disconcerting chicken-egg misperception of mine.  as i become reacquainted with the once-familiar law of attraction, i remember vividly a time when i was much aligned with the principle and my own power of manifesting.  

and the contrast between then and the past few years is a sobering a-ha.  

when i was aligned with the source within me, i was a manifesting maniac.  i was writing constantly.  i was soaring emotionally.  i was my healthiest and fittest ever.  i was irrepressibly happy.   not surprisingly, that's when i met haley and our energies matched.  resonated.  we fell hard.  more manifesting.  etc, etc.  it's all here, i won't belabor it.  

but over time, life got harder.  i quit writing here, or anywhere else.  when my friends and family would ask why i'd stopped or speak wistfully of my blog, i shrugged it off.  i couldn't write a dbg a day when things in my life were so volatile or, at the very least, too imperfect to expose to the world.

at least, that's what i thought then.  i've written about it since, in fact.. my explanation that i stopped writing in an effort to protect myself, remain invulnerable.  

i'm realizing now that perhaps i had that wrong though.  backwards in fact.  i am a writer.  it's who i am.  it's what i do.  if i'm not doing it, i'm not aligned with myself or my source.  and if i'm out of alignment with me, it's no wonder the rest of my life was crumbling around my feet.  

for, though i believed that when the world fell apart around me, it was why i fell too; the truth is, when my focus fell from my own happiness, my world reciprocated in kind.  the law of attraction giving me back exactly what i was offering up.  

and to be clear, it wasn't just the exercise of writing here; it was the discipline and practice of celebrating gratitude and offering up desires unto the universe.  the dbg may appear simply to be a fun literary device that i close my blogs with, to you; but it actually is much more powerful for me.  

it's an intentional focusing of my energy on the good that i desire, the good that i create and the good that i have received.  

intentional. focusing.   

i won't ever again tell myself, or you, my readers, that this blog is merely a by-product of my alignment.  instead, i will honor it as a tool with which i maintain it.  

d:  intentional focus, continued and increased

b:  no more excuses

g:  white bobbin thread to remove