cushion

i'm decidedly awake today. and yesterday. and the day before, even. it may be drug induced, but regardless my eyes are wide open.

but, there are two sides to every coin. (and every forehand too, as i just discovered. more on that later.) and without the fog of sleepiness, in the light of day, i am noticing something else missing.

a cushion.

i generally am a pretty laid back person. i have my anxious moments, but they don't usually last long. i just don't hang out in a worried place much, as a rule. but today, in my amped up, more awake, and less padded place i'm having a hard time zoning out on the details that cause my heart to pound. i'm acutely, even obsessively, aware of what's causing the anxiety.

a cushion.

in my current employment situation my income not only varies in amount, but also in timing. the fluctuation necessitates a certain flexibility and ease, not to mention trust and creativity, when it comes to meeting obligations with fixed deadlines. or making plans for the future. but what really is necessary is more. more abundance. more overflow. more...

cushion.

this week i'm finding myself hyper-aware of the inadequacy of the single paycheck as a buffer. when my income is tethered to a person who is halfway around the globe, sleeping when i'm awake, it only adds the element of absurdity to the situation.

when we moved into the city this summer we did an overhaul on the furniture. purged the oversized pieces and replaced with items more appropriately sized to our dollhouse. i think i picked up new furniture for two rooms and sold even more than that. but the pieces we picked for the living room: not good. they have the same problem my bank account does. not enough depth.

cushion.

i'm resolved to correcting this. as soon as the money comes in it's being placed immediately under the mattress. because although i'm not sleeping in the daytime, i'd like to at night. and the only thing i need for peaceful sleep is that cushion...

d: stuffed mattress
b: i'm very awake
g: a resolution