went and saw blue valentine tonight. what a bummer. tremendous acting and writing. but heartbreaking.
i think because it seems so real. so believable. and so scary.
here i am on the precipice of making a lifelong commitment and in every way certain of my intention and love and at the same time shoveling the earth off a buried dinosaur egg in my own personality and uncertain how to pry it loose and scared that i can't and feeling so much like damaged goods and unable to be deserving of the love and commitment i'm receiving.
and blue valentine didn't help.
d: a better me
b: writing it down, letting it go
g: i am loved
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
k.i.s.s.
hi, my name is jessica. i'm a bride eight and a half months from my wedding date and it's been twenty days since my last blogging.
it probably goes without saying that my obsession du jour is wedding planning but i've also read three (and a half) novels and two non-fiction books totally unrelated to said obsession over the past four weeks. so multiply that by two or three, to include the wedding magazines, websites and books, and you'll see that i've still been totally immersed in words despite my own writing hiatus.
but i do miss it.
this planning process has to be one of the most complex, multi-layered, and emotion laden projects i've ever managed. and without a doubt, the most fun too. haley and i regularly look at each other and say, 'it's not supposed to be this easy!'. (and then i try to make something hard, that really isn't. and she shakes her head and tells me how ridiculous i am. but never mind that.)
so, now we can check off pretty much everything related to the reception: venue, caterer, music, and much of the decor. we can check off most of the essential ceremony stuff too..though that's still coming together. (thank god - or what would i do for the next eight months?) and now i'm thinking that if i don't put myself back on some sort of disciplined writing schedule, i will certainly regret it. this is a time in my life that i want to remember. (and we all know i won't, if i don't write it down.)
on monday it will be two years to the day since haley and i first laid eyes on each other. two years from the day that our respective universes shifted and ever so subtly began to increasingly overlap. two years from the day that a spark lit a fire..a fire that has lit up the skyline of my life.
but my effort tonight to put words to paper is about more than just a heart overflowing with love and excitement, it's also about taking inventory. taking inventory and making an insight into some of my own deficiencies and potentially an approach to bring about change.
things as simple as giving myself a bedtime (and setting an alarm to remind me to honor it) and carving out a time for writing; these things change me. there are more complex tactics i'm undertaking as well and eventually perhaps i'll share..but for now.. one of my favorite twelve step slogans perhaps says it best: k.i.s.s.
keep it simple, sweetie.
(yes, that's the kinder, gentler version. i don't believe in calling myself stupid. others have done it quite enough already, thanks.)
d: let it begin with me
b: one day at a time
g: thanks for listening
it probably goes without saying that my obsession du jour is wedding planning but i've also read three (and a half) novels and two non-fiction books totally unrelated to said obsession over the past four weeks. so multiply that by two or three, to include the wedding magazines, websites and books, and you'll see that i've still been totally immersed in words despite my own writing hiatus.
but i do miss it.
this planning process has to be one of the most complex, multi-layered, and emotion laden projects i've ever managed. and without a doubt, the most fun too. haley and i regularly look at each other and say, 'it's not supposed to be this easy!'. (and then i try to make something hard, that really isn't. and she shakes her head and tells me how ridiculous i am. but never mind that.)
so, now we can check off pretty much everything related to the reception: venue, caterer, music, and much of the decor. we can check off most of the essential ceremony stuff too..though that's still coming together. (thank god - or what would i do for the next eight months?) and now i'm thinking that if i don't put myself back on some sort of disciplined writing schedule, i will certainly regret it. this is a time in my life that i want to remember. (and we all know i won't, if i don't write it down.)
on monday it will be two years to the day since haley and i first laid eyes on each other. two years from the day that our respective universes shifted and ever so subtly began to increasingly overlap. two years from the day that a spark lit a fire..a fire that has lit up the skyline of my life.
but my effort tonight to put words to paper is about more than just a heart overflowing with love and excitement, it's also about taking inventory. taking inventory and making an insight into some of my own deficiencies and potentially an approach to bring about change.
things as simple as giving myself a bedtime (and setting an alarm to remind me to honor it) and carving out a time for writing; these things change me. there are more complex tactics i'm undertaking as well and eventually perhaps i'll share..but for now.. one of my favorite twelve step slogans perhaps says it best: k.i.s.s.
keep it simple, sweetie.
(yes, that's the kinder, gentler version. i don't believe in calling myself stupid. others have done it quite enough already, thanks.)
d: let it begin with me
b: one day at a time
g: thanks for listening
Saturday, January 8, 2011
gestation
nine months from this night i'll be celebrating my marriage to the love of my life.
nine months.
the only other times in my life i've been as invested in nine months i was growing my sons. here in the first trimester of growing a wedding i'm experiencing the same single-minded focus, frenzied excitement, and occasional waves of nervous nausea i did then. happy to report though, unlike my pregnancies, no vomiting this time.
every day it seems a new idea is born or a new vision clarified and our manifesting energy is working overtime. our excitement is contagious and we have yet to be met with anything but loving support. and for that we are grateful. it seems that for all the hysterical panic over the sanctity of marriage, the community in which we reside is surprisingly enamored with our engagement. from the office to the bridal shops to the blockbuster counter, i've received heartfelt well wishes from virtual strangers.
though we haven't cleared the first trimester, we're almost ready to sound the trumpets. stay tuned. details are coming soon.
d: a wedding as beautiful as the relationship it is celebrating
b: my extraordinary project management skills are coming in handy
g: the loving reception our wedding has already received
nine months.
the only other times in my life i've been as invested in nine months i was growing my sons. here in the first trimester of growing a wedding i'm experiencing the same single-minded focus, frenzied excitement, and occasional waves of nervous nausea i did then. happy to report though, unlike my pregnancies, no vomiting this time.
every day it seems a new idea is born or a new vision clarified and our manifesting energy is working overtime. our excitement is contagious and we have yet to be met with anything but loving support. and for that we are grateful. it seems that for all the hysterical panic over the sanctity of marriage, the community in which we reside is surprisingly enamored with our engagement. from the office to the bridal shops to the blockbuster counter, i've received heartfelt well wishes from virtual strangers.
though we haven't cleared the first trimester, we're almost ready to sound the trumpets. stay tuned. details are coming soon.
d: a wedding as beautiful as the relationship it is celebrating
b: my extraordinary project management skills are coming in handy
g: the loving reception our wedding has already received
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