thin

today i'm in santa fe with my mom. it's the first time we've taken a trip together in i-don't-know-how-many-years without my boys in tow. (at least five, i'd guess.) my very small plane landed yesterday in 50 mph winds at nearly the same minute hers did. (well, they must not have been at the very same minute, seeing as there wasn't a fiery crash on the runway.) but at any rate, we met in baggage claim and our bags arrived within minutes of each others. damn near perfect timing.

i've never been to new mexico and despite the raging wind and dust storm in albuquerque and the snow flurries (yes, snow) here in santa fe, i'm overwhelmed with the beauty of the place. last night i had to remind myself i was still in the states because i felt like such a foreigner. every time i hear english, i'm surprised a little.

so this morning i got up with the intention of doing some exercise while mom had to attend a meeting. forced to workout sans equipment, i started with some basic cardio moves like jumping rope, jumping jacks, etc, to get my heart pumping. but then - what's going on? i. can't. breathe.

suddenly this place of beauty and wonder has transported me back in time years ago to when i was a much different fitness level. and then i remember that a friend at work said, 'the air is thin there.. give yourself a couple of days to get adjusted.'

thin air. less oxygen per breath. hmm. i quickly do some mental gymnastics and decide that if i have to breathe harder to support my workout, then my heart rate will be higher, and perhaps i can even burn more calories than at home!

(there goes my thin obsession again.. making me behave a little crazy...)

i wonder though as people acclimate to the thinner air if they simply breathe deeper, taking in more air so as to oxygenate their blood effectively? or do their lungs become more efficient in other ways? i'm not sure.. and i'm not going to do the research to figure it out because i would like to believe the former.

i'd like to believe that when people are surrounded by all the beauty this area affords them and the thin mountain air, that nature forces them to slow down and enjoy it. i certainly plan to.

d: slow, deep breaths of new mexico
b: workout complete..lungs adjusting
g: exploring with my mom..and breathing..deep.

trust

trust (trŭst)

v. intr.

1. To have or place reliance; depend: Trust in the Lord. Trust to destiny.

2. To be confident; hope.

v. tr.

1. To have or place confidence in; depend on.

2. To expect with assurance; assume: I trust that you will be on time.

3. To believe: I trust what you say.

4. To place in the care of another; entrust.

the american heritage dictionary, in a discussion of synonyms, further defines: Trust implies depth and assurance of feeling that is often based on inconclusive evidence: The mayor vowed to justify the trust the electorate had placed in him.

i trust. i extend trust easily and retract it hesitantly. i know that i'm an exception to the rule in this regard. most people operate in the reverse, i think. as to whether that's a good thing or a bad, the jury is still out.

when i look closely at the dictionary definition of trust given above, for me the easiest ways i trust are hoping (v. intr.#1) and assured expectation (v. tr. #2).. and the hardest are depending (v. intr #1) and placing in the care of another (v. tr.#4). where i'm eternally hopeful and expect the best outcome is mine for the having, when my trust wavers it's in the depending and entrusting.

and even then, my confidence (v. intr. #2) usually bolsters my trust and it rarely wavers. until, beyond all of my hopefulness and all of my confidence and all of my expectation with assurance (v. tr. #2) i am proven wrong.

it takes quite a lot to convince me. i heartily agree with the american heritage's extended definition that trust implies a depth of feeling often based on inconclusive evidence.. and i will give the inconclusivity the benefit of the doubt until there is no doubt.

like i said above, i don't know if this is a good trait or not.. i fear what it says about my ability to protect myself. i fear what it means for my heart and the pain i'm susceptible to. i fear what it means... yet i don't know how to change it.

for..i fear, i trust.

d: trustworthiness
b: trustworthy
g: worth trust

yellow

yellow.
the color of cowardice. it brings to mind the cowardly lion from the wizard of oz. there was an entire book dedicated to the lion, the cowardly lion of oz, that tells of his pursuit of courage. his belief is that if he devours a courageous man, he will replenish his own depleted supply of courage. and as he is afraid of the task, he sets about to accomplish it as quickly as possible.

yellow.
the color of caution. the color's high visibility has given it the honor of gracing warning signs and dividing lines alongside every major, and minor, roadway in our country. even without seeing the symbol contained within its boundaries, the pavlovian response of an experienced driver is to slow down at the sight of yellow.

yellow.
the color of waiting. yellow ribbons. a symbol of patience. a symbol of hope. a symbol of promise.

yellow.
the color of energy. spring flowers. new york city cabs. the color is known to stimulate the nervous system and activate memory. it's been shown in color research to even encourage communication - perhaps the yellow pages were capitalizing on that reaction. (or did the yellow pages come first?)

yellow.
the color of the rising sun. according to korean taekwondo tradition, it is the belt color where the seeds of learning begin to grow. and as of today, it is mine. a small accomplishment, no doubt. but celebrating small victories can still feel good.

if it weren't for the other meanings of yellow swirling around in my head today.. perhaps. perhaps.

d: the yellow ribbon's hope and promise
b: the yellow belt's accomplishment
g: the yellow effect on communication

bikema

what goes around, comes around. karma, right? i, for one, believe wholeheartedly in it. and today the pain, agony, and dogged determination in my mountain-biking-for-all campaign has been rewarded.

when last i chronicled the epic bike saga i told of the ebay bike. the bike which was far, far, far from the loser-seller's description. the bike for which i was on the hook to pay return shipping. well, this bike was shipped back to loser-seller last tuesday, but not without a few additional hassles of course.

feel free to skip the following parenthetical story. it's simply to give further clarity into the agony mentioned above.

[just in case you're curious: when i wrestled the enormous bike box into the ups store i was informed that it would cost me $120 to ship it back. my jaw hit the counter, but i ponied up the cash and returned to my car, just a bit more disgruntled.

i called the loser in denver who sold me this decrepit bicycle to see if he felt gracious enough to split the return shipping, at the very least. he protested that it should have been no more than $60, as his original $80 covered the cost of the box. so.. i consult the receipt and note a 'large package fee' of fifty bucks. loser-seller tells me that's a mistake. 'the dimensions are printed on the box, and it's within the size constraint for a normal package.' i find this hard to believe since the box is ginormous, but he did just ship it to me a week ago so maybe he's right.

i hang up and call the ups store back to ask for a reassessment. they inform me that the dimensions printed on the box are internal measurements, rather than external, and that ups will fine them if they don't use the actual size. hmm. this box was just shipped to me with the same contents a week ago, also via ups, and was not charged the extra fee. hmm. i find this very annoying.

long story 'short' (i know, not very short. sorry.) the owner of the ups store gets on the phone with me and offers to cut down the box to shave the extra inch (yes one measly inch over the limit) and repack the bike in it. i said, 'go for it!' and they refunded me the large package fee.]

which brings me to last friday, when the box was delivered to loser-seller. who then rejects it. yes, he rejected the box because he claimed the box was damaged. damaged being cut down an inch and resealed with tape. the loser-seller then informs me that he rejected it, it's being returned to me, i am supposed to reject it too, and then (and only then) ups will open a claim for the damaged item.

umm. where's my refund, i'm wondering. according to this loser-seller he won't issue it until ups resolves the 'damaged box' issue. which, in my opinion, is just him trying to weasel out of the refund.

so, ebay contacts me yesterday saying that my refund will be issued when the item is delivered and that the tracking number isn't correct. of course those things are forty digits long and i'm sure i didn't transcribe it perfectly when they gave me the new one.. so i march up to the ups store this morning and am there on the sidewalk when they open at 8:30.

i ask for a copy of my receipt and tracking info and when they pull it up on the computer they notice that the box is to be redelivered to me today. i say, 'so what happens if i'm not home? how do i reject it?'

'why would you reject it?' they ask me.
'umm, that's how you start the claim process right?'
'hmm, no.'

turns out loser-seller had that all wrong. he should have accepted the package and told the driver the box was damaged on the spot. then they would contact me to open the claim. instead he simply rejected it, meaning what? who knows.

ups advises me to call ebay. and so i did. and holding back tears - because i tend to cry when i'm angry - i explain the entire ordeal to customer service. and this very, very, very nice woman named emily (coincidentally also the name of my one and only cabbage patch doll, which is strangely reassuring) told me that 'all you had to do was ship the item back to him, or attempt to, and if loser-seller rejected it, that's not your problem.' she issued me a refund on the spot - price paid plus original shipping - and said when the bike arrives...

it's mine to do with as i wish.

oh yes. finally.
karma.
bikema.

today haley and i rode our bikes all over grant park, reynoldstown, and cabbagetown. the sidewalks are only a smidge safer than the trails we navigated last weekend and the term 'urban jungle' is taking on a new meaning to me.

tomorrow we're hitting the trails again. the non-urban trails, that is. finally it seems i've gotten out of the afore-mentioned cage.


d: one cage down, one to go.
b: i ordered a how to guide for bicycle repair and soon i'll be the go-to-girl-with-a-wrench. and two mountain bikes.
g: perseverance paid off. in abundance.

defeat

so, my house has been on the market for several weeks now and nary a word. in fact, only one person has come to see it at all; which makes the extra daily housecleaning feel like salt in the wound. i know it's nothing personal. there are hundreds of houses on the market in the area at the same or better value proposition. and i know it only takes one buyer. but still, as i feel my financial footing slipping, i'm anxious to grasp the life raft..and let go of the sinking ship. (better known as the mortgage i can't afford.)

i believe in the principle of abundance. i really do. and i've been known to say, 'there will always be more money..', which i wholeheartedly believe. but sometimes, my confidence wavers.

my anxiety raises.
my hopelessness prevails.

and all i can think about is escaping. i've been doing a much better job of staying on top of my money, tracking and counting and using cash as much as possible; but when the red outweighs the black, i simply want to run away. and sometimes shop.

it's sort of like getting on the scale, seeing a bigger number than you expect or desire, and then consoling yourself with a bag of peanut m&ms. a bit self-defeating.

i'm generally not a very competitive person and i've finally realized why that is. because whenever i feel the desire to win, i simply defeat myself.

sigh

d: a competitive spirit that drives, rather than runs over
b: i believe in abundance.. abundance unreliant on my belief.
g: awareness is the first step in change

two-stepping

today the eye doctor told me that my vision had improved a step in each eye. i thought that was an odd thing, but he said, 'it's not unusual in the thirties...'

i'm near sighted, so i guess that means my near is extending a little further these days. i don't know. frankly, without my lenses, everything is still a blur so the nominal improvement is rather moot.

that seems to be the way improvements go lately. two steps forward and one back. or two steps in a circle even. i've never been a great dancer and certainly never learned to two step. but when i was a little girl, just like most children i imagine, i loved to spin until i was too dizzy to stand up. two steps around in a circle.

that's how i feel tonight. two stepping in a circle. two steps in a dizzy mess. two steps and i'm falling down.

d: a partner's hand to pick me up
b: i can see a little further into the distance
g: haley tells me she's an excellent two-stepper

imago

Mortal wounds, once sustained but never healed, are like bound feet.
One does not notice how much they hurt until someone takes the bindings off,
and then the pain is great.
And sometimes we make the mistake of running from the person
who removes the bindings rather than from the one who put them on.

-merle shain, hearts that we broke long ago

i've been reading a couple books about the concept of 'imago' and it seems like a cruel joke being played on us by god. the idea is that we seek partners who manifest characteristics, good and bad, of our primary caregivers as children. these partners not only match a set of subconscious criteria that we seek to nurture us, but also match in the ways they can trigger our childhood wounds.

so why would we seek this out? why would we want a partner, an "imago match" per this framework, that has the unique capacity to open our most painful memories and trigger the same emotional responses? well, this is the cruel part. not only can they bring the most raw and gory emotions to the surface, they also match in all the good ways. and 'good' is an understatement; because it's the most powerful connection ever. so where we can have the best emotional connection ever, we can also be hurt the most.

the highest highs, the lowest lows. i guess that's what vulnerability means.

the theory goes that because of the imago's ability to reopen those dark scars, they also have the ability to heal them.

but the opening is so painful. it is.
which is why i call it a cruel joke.

i just learned the word 'imago' yet some of the concepts were familiar to me. my mom gave me shain's book hearts that we broke long ago a long time back, and i copied many passages from my reading into my journal. her book from 1983 preceded the imago theory, at least as described by harville hendrix (the original author of the concept) by at least five years, but some of her ideas are very similar.

bound feet.. mortal wounds.. perhaps the psychological version of shooting the messenger.

my mom only taught me three prayers in my lifetime. two as children and one as a teen. now i lay me down to sleep, the lord's prayer, and the serenity prayer. in that order. i'm a spiritual person, but not necessarily one who prays in the typical fashion. in fact, i almost typed 'two prayers', omitting the lord's from the list. (it's been that long since it's come to mind, i suppose.)

but the serenity prayer, i love.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

i repeat it over and over like a chant when my feet are unbound. i find serenity is immediate, courage slower, and i'm still waiting for wisdom.

tonight i am praying.

d: for serenity
b: courageous
g: wisdom passed down from my mother

cyclone

ugh. it's a nasty cycle this female thing. and i have the misfortune of being on the three week version, rather than the typical four. which means that two out of every three weeks, which is a lot, my hormones have me mostly insane: a cyclone of emotions.

[sidenote: somehow in my house-for-sale organization frenzy i put my vitamins out of sight and so i've fallen off the supplement bandwagon. they really were helping for a few months there. i've got to get them out from under the counter and put them back into my routine. really. i need all the help i can get.]

when i feel like this everything is too much. everything is too hard. too complicated. too much. and i feel horrible about myself. and then i do things that make me feel even more horrible about myself. like snapping at the boys. or eating three brownies. or just generally being a big baby. and did i mention feeling awful about myself? yeah. that's the worst of it.

a cyclone.

i'm exhausted. the bike fiasco continued today. and though we did finally get four bikes, in working condition, on the silver comet trail; it sort of felt like much ado about nothing. flat, paved trail is anticlimactic with my new off-road monster machine. we followed that by an hour or so on the tennis court. (thank god. that's the only part of my day that i felt good about.) and then i cooked dinner. boys to bed. and now, here i sit. eyes propped open, typing. haley drawing beside me. wishing i could trade bodies with anyone to get out of the storm. (not to mention i have some body upgrades i wouldn't mind getting in a trade. and let's just say, the brownies aren't getting me any closer.)

d: a new day. a fresh batch of serotonin. an offer on the house. a direct deposit on any one of my three outstanding invoices. (better stop there..)
b: tennis. felt. great.
g: spring break is over tomorrow. just in time.

caged

right through that wire cage is a blue sky. a sunny day. a green vista. a welcome pasture of soft, living earth in the midst of a still wintering forest. perhaps it was foreshadowing the drama that would unfold in my pursuit of bicycles for the family.

todd's came first. a neighbor offered one for a deal. barely used. totally adequate. just barely his size, with lots of room to accommodate his impending growth spurts. i thought, 'wow, that was easy... now for two more.'

one fruitless chase after another on craigslist and a couple days of exploring every metro bike shop and i was quite discouraged. i turned to ebay, somewhat cautious, but also somewhat desperate. i found a great deal. watched it several days. won it in the last few seconds. the seller had 99 point something percent positive feedback. it was scheduled to arrive on monday by ups.

on monday, on the way back from camping, we stopped at a bike shop in the outskirts of atlanta and haley purchased the bike she'd made a deal on. in the interest of getting it home in my car and the vision we both had for a week of mountain biking, i purchased a car bike rack. it would only hold three bikes - but it was the biggest they had in stock. the guy promised to order a four bike rack and let me know when it was in. i planned to exchange the three for the four.

then we hurried to my house to unwrap the bike delivered by ups. (you can probably imagine where this story is going.) it was there. as promised.

except, not quite as promised. it needed some assembly, which i expected, but was missing a few essential assembly items (such as screws), which i did not expect. the brakes were in pieces in the bottom of the box and the bike was covered in mud and heavily worn. a far cry from the description and the pictures - which i suspect were manufacturer's pics of this bike, when new. (incidentally, the ebay listing assured buyers that they were 'actual pictures' of the bike up for bid.)

argh.
talked to a bike shop. estimate to put bike in working order was $100-$150.
suddenly it's not such a great deal.

so of course, i contact the seller to return it. they will happily take it back. and all i'll be out is the return shipping. personally i don't think i should be out anything, but ebay and the seller don't see it my way.

argh.

meanwhile, the four bike rack comes in and i drive up to flowery branch to make the exchange. only to find out that it won't fit on my car. oh - i forgot to mention, the three bike rack that i originally purchased won't actually hold three bikes safely - and without a supply of straps and bungee cords, won't even hold a single bike. (no, it did not come with these straps.) so, here i am on my second bike rack that won't work. and out the return shipping for the ebay bike.

i talk to the owner of the bike shop about ordering yet another bike rack. at this point i'd prefer to simply take my refund and find another source. but as luck would have it, the shop return policy is for store credit only.

argh.

he orders me the 'bike rack that will fit every car' and says, 'if this one won't work, nothing will.' incidentally, it's for three bikes only because there isn't a trunk mounted four bike rack that's decent and my car can't accommodate a receiver hitch. i said, 'before you order that (very expensive) rack, please ask your representative if it will fit my car.' he wrote down my car model and year and my phone number, promising to call when it arrived.

at this point i've purchased myself a brand new bike, from another suburban bike shop, and been combing craigslist (giving it another shot) for luke. i still have no way of transporting even one bike, let alone two or three. (and never mind four.)

i expected the new bike rack to arrive yesterday, but didn't hear from the shop. today on the way to the gym i pulled up the manufacturer's website to show haley the rack and noticed a 'fit calculator'. i entered in my vehicle details and pushed 'show me racks that fit'.

umm. five racks popped up. two of which were for three bikes.
but not the rack i'm expecting.

so, i phoned the bike shop. the owner had assured me he'd check before ordering, so either he didn't or he didn't order. and either way, why hadn't i heard from him? the guy there today relays that yes the rack was ordered. and apparently no, the owner hadn't checked on fit. and then 'if that one won't work, nothing will.'

not true. in fact, there are several that will fit according to this same manufacturer and if they'd bothered to check, they'd know.

argh

still out the return shipping on ebay bike. now out the original cost of the three bike rack - seeing as i haven't found another rack to apply the credit towards - and as of yet no promise of a refund...enter luke's bike.

last night i stumbled across a promising listing on craigslist. a middle aged hippie that repairs bikes and restores vw vans had about five bikes listed for sale. two of which were mountain bikes in luke's size and pretty much what i wanted to pay, provided they were in good working order.

so, today we made the hour long drive to the other side of the city to investigate and subsequently purchase one of these bikes. it's the first time in two months (or more?) that i've been so overcome with sleepiness that i had to stop the car and close my eyes. none of my mental gymnastics could wake me up. (a nap and fully caffeinated coffee did help though. amazing what caffeine will do to you when you've been off it for so long.)

the bikes weren't great, i'll admit. but they were decent. luke rode two and chose one. it seemed to work fine. shifted and braked. adjusted to his height. all systems go. i paid and we put it in the back of haley's truck, seeing as a bike rack for my car is more rare than halley's comet.

we get home and luke jumps on his bike for a ride around the neighborhood. after about ten minutes todd says, 'where do you think luke is? he's been gone a long time.' glance down the road and see him pushing the bike. somehow the chain is majorly derailed and despite my best efforts i can't get it back together.

doing the math: ebay bike, bike rack, luke's bike. what next?

for what it's worth, the hippie is going to fix luke's bike tomorrow. and i plan to lay into the owner of the bike rack bike shop at my first opportunity. and as for mr. ebay... well, i won't be doing business with him anymore. and if my feedback has anything to do with it, nobody else will be either.

so, yes.. there right outside the wire cage i know is a sunny sky. a trail waiting to be explored. a breeze. an oasis.

if i can just get out of this damn cage.

d: four bikes that work and a way to transport them. or at least three of them.
b: umm.
g: getting closer. getting closer. i think.

smuggle

mega has taken to crawling under my bed. she just tonight discovered she can fit under there. another place to take the forbidden items she smuggles off to consume, i suppose.

i like the word smuggle, in fact. it's the softer, gentler version of mug. the rumor in the family is that my paternal grandfather was a diamond smuggler for some time while they lived in paris, after the war. we don't know the details, the only information passed along was cryptic and the private investigators hired by the family had a difficult time filling in the gaps. i like to think it's true though.

mostly because of the word smuggle. a clear marriage of mug and snug. with an le thrown in there to up the cute factor.

consider on the other hand the word kidnap. two things that don't go together - and if they do, by chance, it's a happy moment. i imagine that nap is meant to bring to mind nab.. but let's face it, it's a crummy attempt at linguistic creativity.

i think i'd rather be smuggled. stolen away surreptitiously. it sounds like fun. i think if kidnappers rebranded themselves as smugglers they could build their image. i mean, if cadillac can rebrand themselves as young and hip (see: escalade) anyone can do it.

yes, you heard it here first. kidnappers, take heed. call yourselves smugglers. choose tropical destinations. maybe even offer some pirate ship tours to your detainees.

smuggle-cations. coming soon from a henchman near you.

d: sleep. clearly i've lost my mind.
b: a smuggler in the family! a diamond smuggler at that.
g: mega's new hideaway for her bones isn't underfoot.

spark

there are few things in the homeowner's to-do list as satisfying as replacing a lawnmower's spark plug. i'm not sure if it's the $2.25 price tag or the simplicity or the immediate gratification; but whatever it is, i like it. i vote for more repairs of that caliber please.

i wish i had a repair that simple when my engine refuses to crank. it's rare these days, more often i simply need a tank of fuel, but particularly when it comes to creativity i find myself at times wishing i had a spark.

it hasn't been quite a year, but it will be soon, since i felt the burning desire to write fiction. i was on a roll last summer writing. writing daily. writing creatively. writing with a spark. and then... my creative energy was redirected. primarily to being a dog-owner. maybe it's not fair to blame mega, because it's inevitable that something would have come along and interrupted my flow. but she is the culprit, precious edible culprit that she is, this time.

but, anyway, this weekend haley and i took an impromptu camping trip. we had a destination in mind, but were derailed by the georgia power signs throughout the campground. (yes, literally. ironic, perhaps. repulsive, definitely.) after a couple of thwarted efforts, we stumbled upon the most pristine and tremendous campsite ever. seriously, it may be the best campsite i've ever seen outside of a backpacking adventure.

a ten minute walk down a fairly steep trail, after a twenty minute drive on a treacherous dirt road, culminated in a grove of trees alongside a river. a huge river. a beautiful clear river. a huge, beautiful clear river with a white sandy beach. that's right a beach. a beach in the mountains. and not another soul in sight.

spark

we had no idea we'd wind up somewhere so primitive. or so amazing. and honestly, it caught us off guard. we did our best to enjoy it, but spent most of our time daydreaming about when we can go back and how we'll do it better. (ie backpacks and adequate supplies to allow continuous relaxation and prevent excessive travel out of this slice of heaven.)

i did build us a fire though and cook a delicious meal. i love cooking over a campfire. i love a campfire period, actually. and one of the reasons is that i love fire. the principal of combustion and the rush of watching the first sparks ignite the hemlock and then the twigs and then the knobby sticks and eventually the thick coal-making logs... yes, i love a campfire.

spark

yesterday i finally got a mountain bike. i say 'finally' though i've only been looking a couple of weeks. those weeks felt like an eternity, they really did. i had several failed attempts at purchase. i gave craigslist a shot. (or a dozen shots) i gave ebay a shot (still trying to resolve that shot). i gave pawn shops and used sporting goods stores a shot. and i visited every single bike shop in the metro area. and then i wound up in the burbs. so, yes, it felt like a journey from desire to manifestation; but in the end i got exactly what i wanted and i got an amazing deal on it.

today the boys and i went riding. luke still needs a bike, actually, but rode an old junker we had around. which sort of impaired his first experience off-road, to be honest. he's game for another round though, when i find him a bike that can handle it. todd, on the other hand, got bitten. bitten by the mountain biking bug. he loved it. we zoomed all over two different parks and would have ridden longer if the day had allowed it.

spark

tomorrow i'm going to north carolina to visit my dad. the boys and i don't get up there often enough. it's one of the most relaxing trips we ever take and yet we don't take the time to do it like we should. i can't wait. a hammock and a fireplace - whether we get spring or winter remains to be seen - both places i find immeasurably rejuvenating.

this time todd and i are bringing our bikes.

spark spark

i just finished reading a novel. a novel that i gave my mom for christmas and she returned to me after finishing. we usually do this so that we can confer at the end. it was by one of our favorite authors but turned out to be a disappointing read. nonetheless, the writing was beautiful and the imagery vivid. and something about reading fiction.. it flips a switch in me..

spark

i'm not sure when i'll start writing on my novel again, but i think it's coming soon. the sparks are multiplying.. and soon, fire.

d: more sparks and more sparks and more sparks...
b: i fixed the lawnmower
g: sparks lead to fire...

revolution

house officially on the market today:
satisfaction
culmination
anticipation

camping and hiking tomorrow with haley and the pack of pups:
exhaustion
relaxation
rejuvenation

the right buyer is on their way to my house:
promotion
presentation
acquistion

my new perfect home is readying for me:
preparation
creation
introduction

d: manifestation
b: fruition
g: transition

sprung

it's 80 degrees at ten o'clock at night on april second. we've somehow gone from winter to summer without passing go and without collecting $200. er, i mean spring. it seems that spring has sprung and didn't even take a coffee break in atlanta this year.

ironically, the boys are on spring break. they got off friday this year, as well as all of next week, due to the easter holiday and it's put me in a strange time warp. nevermind that the weather is decidedly warm for spring break, i've felt every day as though it were the next. meaning today's felt like saturday, yesterday like friday, etc. haley is experiencing the same thing. and luke told me today on the phone that he keeps thinking it's saturday too.

but it's not. and though confused, i'm also grateful. because here we are on the friday that normally would be on the eve of our holiday and i've already enjoyed and accomplished so much.

first the house - because really, it's been transformed - over the past 48 hours i've done everything from moving and removing furniture to sludging around in my pond to having carpets cleaned and roof flashing repaired to removing all signs that i actually use my bathroom to, to, to... to tomorrow a sign goes in the yard.

i'm a couple days past my 'end of march' deadline, but it's okay. the buyer wasn't quite ready yet either.

d: perfect timing: seller and buyer.

and second - tennis. yesterday haley and i had our first day back on the court this spring. well, this sprang. we played on our vacation and we've played a few times in the sprinkling of "spring-like" days we saw in our extended winter. but this is the first time we've been back on our home court, sporting tank tops and skirts (well, shorts for haley), and went home with pink kisses of sun on our shoulders and noses. so yes, i consider it our first day of tennis this season. (whatever season this is.)

and though haley was operating on a sleep deficit, we were definitely in the groove. something about the warm weather maybe. or something about the winter (predominantly) off. whether weather or rest or luck, it felt great. haley gave me my first lesson in serving while we were on vacation and being the star student that i am, it's all coming together. (maybe waiting until you've played a year to learn the most crucial stroke is a little known strategy?) tomorrow we're back on the court and i can't wait.

b: a year of tennis practice has paid off. i'm a tennis player now.

and last but not least, i think i've seen jackie more in the past week than i have the first three months of this year. she and ruth helped with my house last weekend and then last night and tonight we've been tearing up the town together. it's good. we're cyclical like that. we can see each other three times in a week and it feels natural and easy. and then a month can pass without speaking and that's natural and easy too. but when we come back, i always find it comforting. friends since we were todd's age. 24 years. something of a miracle.

g: lifelong friendship. a miracle i wish for everyone.

and here i am at the end of my blog before i even began, much like spring. sprang. sprung.