pride

i've had moments of pride for my children over the years. some big, some small. some for the expected things like good grades and acts of kindness. and some for perhaps inappropriate things, which i'll leave unmentioned. but nothing can compare to what i felt thursday night at todd's camp concert.

i know this won't translate unless you've experienced it yourself, but i felt my heart in my throat for him as his solo approached and i thought my heart would visibly overflow for all the pride and love after he completed it. the rest of the show went off without a hitch and he said he looked up once and was blinded by my enormous toothy smile. i just couldn't get it off my face.

i realized in that moment that i never gave my parents that feeling and i couldn't decipher whose loss was greater for that. i never participated in a team sport or a performance art. even report cards were generally a non-event or afterthought, as my grades were so consistent.

todd didn't have a great first year in band. his teacher wasn't very attentive to the percussion students and gave them little instruction, much of which wasn't right anyway. todd looked forward to his lessons with haley and then dreaded class with mr. bader. (yes, the teacher's name was Mr. Bader. don't even go there.) so when i signed him up for band camp, i had a sense it was a make-it or break-it event in his infant music career. especially since he'd expressed some hesitancy over the summer about signing up for band at his new school.

he called thursday as we were walking out the door to his concert. he wanted to tell me to leave as soon as possible because his band was performing first and he had a solo in the first song. (plus it's a two hour drive.) i reassured him we were on our way. and then he launched into a flurry of discourse about how much fun he's had, ending it all with '..and i'm coming back next year!' (and later he clarified, 'and the next year and the next year.')

the fire's been lit.
i'm relieved.
and oh so proud.

d: that his pride in himself match mine for him
b: he didn't miss a beat
g: the opportunity to be his mother