weightless

when i was a kid there was an amusement park near our house that i remember going to several times. they had one ride there that i particularly loved and i rode it over and over again. nobody else liked it the way i did, so i would park myself there and ride it until we left. it looked like a barrel and you would get in and stand against the side. when the door closed it would spin very fast and the floor would drop out, leaving you pressed against the wall by centrifugal force. weightless. that's it. it would spin for a few minutes and then the floor would come back up and it would stop. my mom found it nauseating. i found it exhilarating.

i think it foreshadowed how i grew to find life most exhilarating, as well. when i'm spinning in a frenzy and the only thing holding me up is momentum, even when everyone around me is dizzy and ready to rest, i'll say, 'can i go again?'

the summer's been like that. i feel this way every school-starts-in-two-days-eve but for many reasons this summer's been more of a whirlwind than most. from house on the market cleaning through to moving, with vacation travel, work, and a broken arm thrown in the mix- it's dizzying.

my mom's been here visiting for the past week, along with my aunt. they arrived the day after i returned from a week in florida with the boys and haley. also the day after i had a good-bye dinner with one of my closest friends, moving across the country as we speak. this was the first week that todd's spent in the house since we moved in. his room was still half in boxes, which i had to step over and around as i borrowed it for the week. on top of that, this was the first week of additional responsibilities at work - responsibilities i'm excited to take on (for a change) - requiring international conference calls every day at the schedule and whim of my foreign colleagues. oh and yesterday, we all piled in and went to meet the boys' new teachers and see their schools.

all good things.
but spinning like crazy, nonetheless.

one thing i generally do a good job of in my insane spinning is setting aside time for myself. the gym. a book. sex. writing. a nap. at least a couple of those a day. it's the real life equivalent of the euphoria i felt when the floor dropped out of the barrel and i was weightless.

i haven't done such a good job of that lately. fatigue has been bearing down on me in every seated moment and yet naps have been elusive. my nighttime sleep has been tormented with ridiculous dreams that leave me even more exhausted and waking with a headache. i haven't been to the gym in nearly two weeks and the runs i have managed to squeeze in have been abbreviated by the heat or time or both. i've opened my book to the same two pages every night for weeks and well, everything else has fallen off my ability list too.

but today i finally got back in the gym and did a complete upper body workout reminiscent of pre-fracture days. it felt incredible, despite the strange noises and contortions my elbow offered in protest. i took care of some birthday shopping for the boys, took a nap, made the necessary $175 school supply excursion. and now here i am writing and the night is young...

still spinning? absolutely.
but centrifugal force is a wonderful thing.

d: a night as weightless as my day
b: rehab complete!
g: school starts on monday.