next

when i turned 16 i didn't run right out and get my driver's license. though i'd had a learner's permit for the requisite year, or technically two since i got one at 14 in arkansas and another at 15 in georgia, i didn't actually get my driver's license until i was 17.. going on 18. i knew how to drive, of course, i simply didn't have my own car or one to use; so it seemed pointless.

having just obtained another license i'm feeling antsy to put it to use. predictably i'm finding roadblocks and detours along the path (flooded bridges?) but what's most disconcerting is the stall i'm experiencing at the start line.

as i reread that it sounds very passive (and cloyingly cheesy), as though all these things are happening to me, and i realize that's the problem. for the past year i've been steadily pursuing this goal and now that the official part is accomplished, i'm at a loss for what to do next. i just know it should be something. something.

i often tell the boys to 'do the next right thing' when they're frustrated or upset. just one thing at a time, just the next right thing. it seems like 'next' is easier than seeing the whole picture sometimes. less overwhelming.

next i need to call an accountant.
next i need to compose my mission statement.
next i need to start shameless self-promotion.

hmm, still overwhelmed.

when i was 16 and able to go get my driver's license, yet opted not to, i don't think it was because i didn't have my own car. not really. i think really i was afraid. not afraid of the actual driving, but afraid of the act of asserting myself and asking for the opportunity to prove i was capable and deserving of driving. and really.. really.. i think afraid of being told no.

so now, i'm feeling overwhelmed and i ask myself 'overwhelmed with what?' and i think it's the same thing. overwhelmed with fear. fear of being told no. so instead i've been telling myself no.

d: yes'es to myself.
b: i'm a very capable driver. and i'm a very capable trainer.
g: my advice is good advice.. the next right thing... that's right.