off

i love the holidays. i do. the months leading up to them just build with anticipation and preparation. then i have vacation and i see my family. it's the holiday the boys love the most (of course) and then i have a break from them too. this year, i spent ten days with the love of my life with little to no responsibility laying claim to our time. all in all, the holiday season was perfect.

but then, january.

and i find everything to be off.

yesterday i spent a day at home, working and taking care of things that needed to be done in order that i could spend the evening doing something todd had requested. and all day i was wishing i was with haley. doing the things we do when we spend days together. doing my usual things, with her.

then today, the boys were home for a snow day and i left them for a while, with a movie, while i met haley and went to the gym. and, though it was my idea to meet her and do that, i felt the whole time like i should have been with the boys.

i'm always in near daily touch with my mom, but over the past couple of days i've felt that familiar yearning to live nearer to her and be able to cozy up in her kitchen or just drop in to her office and have lunch. and wishing i could have my christmas visit back. it was over too fast.

i just want to gather everyone i love close to me, wrap them under my wings, and nest. instead, we're all back to our everyday lives and i can't seem to get enough of anyone.

off. i'm just off.

d: the rhythm of my life back.
b: i had the best christmas ever. ever.
g: i have so many people and places so, so precious to me.