enough

e-nough [i nuhf]

1. adequate for the want or need; sufficient for the purpose or to satisfy desire
2. an adequate quantity or number; sufficiency
3. in a quantity or degree that answers a purpose or satisfies a need or desire; sufficiently
4. fully or quite
   

it's a funny sounding word. when i'm conserving characters i even stoop so low as to type it 'enuf'. (that's how i pronounce it anyway.) and it's an interesting word because it's used much more often paired with a negative, than alone.

"never enough."
"not enough."

last week i spiraled a little about this word. about this idea. i flip flopped from the idea of abundance and manifesting power to fear and inadequacy.

enough? when? how do you know?

mom challenged me to quantify how much would be enough. and that task gave me peace about money. about income versus expenses. i can do that math. i can calculate 'enough'. and then i can manifest 'enough'.

hell, i can manifest more than enough. (i'm a mega-manifester, after all.)

but today i struggle with enough in a different way... today i ache for more than i have of haley. more time, more access, more..

i want to come home to her and i want to be here when she gets home. i want to wake up to her and i want to curl up in her arms every night. i want to put my clothes away in a dresser when we're together, rather than a duffle bag. i want to put her shoes in the closet, rather than by the door.

and desiring all of that makes this perfect thing we share feel like not enough. (oh, but it is)

this makes me increasingly aware that enough is a kissing cousin to gratitude. and my spiral into not-enoughs should certainly be jarred back to reality by a healthy dose of gratitude.

d: more than enough.
b: i have all the power i need to manifest the more.
g: enough is more than i ever hoped for.