time

i wrote a blog a while back about time being fluid.. and how there's always enough of it to get done the things that are important. about how it's abundant and accommodating.

then just the other day, when i last wrote a blog, i found myself in a timeless state. with little or nothing dictating when or how long over the past week or more.

and then yesterday, haley and i celebrated an 'anniversary' of sorts. six months. (but who's counting) it's felt like a drop of sand on the beach and at the same time like an ocean washing over me; i can't wrap my mind around the paradox that has been time in my life over these past six months.

and today, i started a new job where my time is much more my own. (though i'm being paid by the hour and so maybe it's not my own?)

and also today i scheduled something i've been procrastinating on for months, for monday. something that is going to require time between now and then. something that is going to require a frightening lot of time.

and all of a sudden, i'm starting to think mom was right when she said she respectfully disagreed with my blog on how time is so accommodating. suddenly it feels as though there's not enough and i'll never get it all done. suddenly it feels as though there are a million more things in my day than there are minutes to do them.

*deep exhale*

and yet, i know that's simply not true. the extraneous items (something must be, right?) will fall off my schedule and the important things will fill in the blocks. my need for sleep will diminish and my productivity will increase. my fight or flight instinct will kick in and i know that all will be smooth and, in fact, perhaps better because there's just enough time to get it all in.

i have a card on my fridge with an affirmation on time that i read every morning.

Time is fixed, but the way I use it is not. I have as much time every day as anyone
who ever lived, and no one will ever have more time than me. That means I have all the time I need to do all the things that are important to me, and all the time I need to create the kind of life I want to live.

but now that i think about it... maybe this morning in my haste to get to work i simply grabbed my yogurt and ran out the door, forgetting to take time to read..

d: time to pause, time to focus, time to breathe.
b: my weekend is longer than my work week; time redefined by me.
g: i have plenty of time.