restore

well, it's been a week since i've blogged and i blame it one-hundred percent on the olympics. every night i've been home the boys have adamantly insisted that we are planted in front of the continuous coverage until well beyond their usual bedtimes.

i enjoy watching the events just like they do. but the television on for hours continuously is exhausting. i'm so very thankful that it's not our usual lifestyle. i typically cherish my quiet time at night and as it's evaporated into the black box, i've found myself retreating into a daze. a sleepy daze, despite my usually effective nuvigil. a sleepy daze that's blurring my vision all day long.

in the few lucid moments i've found in my sleepy days, er daze, i've been considering the daze. considering it as an escape mechanism. considering it as a retreat. considering it as a barrier. considering it. and though i've wondered before if my sleepiness was an avoidance mechanism, i find this fogginess despite medication a confirmation.

i've also been clenching my jaw and grinding my teeth over the past week. two behaviors i've never done.

over the weekend i found myself on the verge of tears (okay i crossed the verge i admit) over losing things. i can't even quantify the number of things i lost this weekend. and then found. and then lost again.

i'm sure that some sort of hormone swing or lunar phenomenon is partially to blame. i'm sure of it. but since i can't control the moons, i've declined the olympic invitation tonight. after only thirty minutes of nail-biting olympic downhill drama, i sent the boys to bed. even despite luke's aghast cry, 'but mommy, it's the o-limmmm-pics!!!!' and i've closed the door to my bedroom.

every minute that passes in silence, with only the sound of my fingers on the keys, i feel my tension recede. and curiously, though i was yawning uncontrollably an hour ago, i feel my daze retreating.

usually it's words that bring me back to life. words i write. words i read. i've felt myself craving an opportunity to write this week. (i even considered going to the office to do so...a plan aborted after actual contemplation.) and i've got three books that i'm burning to read.

so, i'm writing. and soon i'll be reading. but, i do have to admit, the tv is still on. on mute. and if they ever put the women's figure skating back up, i'll dig the remote out of the couch for it.

d: restoration, quiet restoring words.
b: i know what to do and i'm doing it.
g: the olympics are only two weeks long.