hard

-photo by renee lewis

Something we were withholding made us weak
until we found it was ourselves.
-robert frost

in my recent readings (currently i'm double fisting nonfiction and juggling a novel too) i've stumbled across some ideas that have me taking a hard look at the things that are hardest. at least related to being a mom. which by definition is the hardest, i think.

i'm wading through a study on all the ways i'm potentially screwing my kids up and it seems that every single opportunity is really just a way that i am myself lacking. go figure.

it seems like in more than one area of my life i'm learning that the hardest things to give, receive, and create are quite simply the most important and essential. the high road is the steep and rocky road, right?

i grew up hearing frequently 'why is everything always so hard?' and owing to my contrariness i dug my heels in and took the position that 'nothing is hard. it's all quite easy and possible!' but, at the same time, i believe i created the hard to which i objected.

yesterday i tried something different. today i did something different. i didn't judge easy or hard, i just put one foot in front of the other and did the things i wanted and needed to do. i let go of the easy and hard meter and found that everything felt better. not easier, mind you; but better.

and so, i'm digging into the 'hard' things i struggle with as a parent. and i'm unraveling the 'hard' things that create those struggles.

it's not easy.
but it is better.

d: less withholding
b: i'm not afraid of hard.
g: it is better.