nevermind

i probably should've known but in my optimistic way i expected more. as it turns out, todd's other parent isn't quite as proud as i am of todd's confidence and sense of humor. it seems that the potential embarassment of having a son dressed as a girl outweighs his pride in having a son with balls enough to express himself in such a creative and courageous way.

disappointing.

i challenged him with the question as to whether or not a daughter who wanted to dress up as a football player would elicit the same reaction. i was told that wasn't comparable. (umm, really?)

so, my pride weekend is off to an auspicious start.

i ache for todd. not just because his halloween will be different than he planned it. that happens all the time. but because he's starting to see his father's limitations. i know that's part of life and i know we all go through it. but it's still sad to me, because i hate to hear the pain in his voice when he calls in fear of non-acceptance. fear realized.

we're about to get ready for the first pride party of the weekend. it's a party for women, really the only dance party of the weekend dedicated to the women. back when i partied more, i partied with the fags. i loved those weekends spent in the boy bars bouncing to an electronic beat but the annual women's dance party of pride was the highlight of the year.

i'm excited. haley is playing rolls on the snare drum as i write and my heart is racing in anticipation of a good time in store.

and i guess that's how it goes. that's how the scales balance, as my libran love would attest. on the one side, my oldest son's personal expression is squashed by fear and prejudice. and on the other side, i'm enjoying a weekend dedicated to the expression of diversity.

one step forward and one step back? disappointing indeed.

d: more forward steps.
b: todd's evolution exceeds his parents'.
g: more forward steps than back.