changin'

hormones are powerful drugs. perhaps the most powerful. if they were visible, imagine maybe they colored your skin in bright colors, i'd look like rainbow brite. and todd would be a smurf. or something. he told me that he dreamt of kissing his girlfriend last night, their first kiss. and then today he did. he was nonchalant, but he told me beforehand that he had butterflies when he thought about it.

and me, i'm off the charts today. from irritability that has the boys running for cover to sudden sadness that has me reaching for tissues; from fatigue that has me falling asleep at the wheel to energy surges that have me rearranging all the furniture in the house, three times. i blame the invisible drugs that must be making me insane.

about that rearranging though...i alluded last week to my sweet farewell to comcast cable and today in the middle of church the thought occurred to me that, though i'm keeping my tv for movies, there's no reason for it to be central in the living room and certainly no reason for it to be tethered to its previously designated wall outlets.

so, in between an extensive recipe review and grocery list compilation i broke the monotony by moving the two couches in my living room, an overstuffed chair, an ottoman, a few coffee tables, two game systems, a tv, a book case, lamp, etc, etc into a... mess, quite frankly. i'm not sure the end result, which isn't really the end because i couldn't move some things on my own and so they are in interim positions, is going to be any better than where i started. but what i do know with certainty is that there will not be a television set in any of the central living areas of my home. and for some reason, that feels satisfying.

i filled the glass fronted cabinet that used to hold stereo components with board games. i moved my jigsaw puzzle coffee table to the living room. i moved an overstuffed reading chair to a central place. and once that damn tv is hauled out of here (it's impossibly heavy), i think i may have a new favorite room in my house, the living room.

favorite room relocated, tv sequestered, manic energy expelled. but in the end, it was just an exercise in control i think.

today at church a powerful musician sang bob dylan's Times They Are a Changin'.

Come mothers and fathers
Throughout the land
And don't criticize
What you can't understand.
Your sons and your daughters
Are beyond your command.
Your old road is
Rapidly agin'.
Please get out of the new one
If you can't lend your hand
For the times they are a changin'.

this verse captures my weekend in many ways. friday night todd and i had dinner together. we went to an upscale restaurant that doesn't cater to or welcome children, and yet todd was at ease and our dinner conversation was as good, if not better, than what i recall from the last time i was there. suddenly, seemingly overnight, todd has become a pre-teen and it caught me off guard.

in sharp contrast to the connection we shared on friday, todd and i butted heads the rest of the weekend in power struggles. control was the issue. perhaps exacerbated by my hormones, perhaps exacerbated by his; we both were confronted by the fact that we can't control each other.

and so i moved furniture.

todd helped. he lifted the other end of a heavy table and together we carried it downstairs. a demonstration of the dylan verse i heard today and a lesson i'm stubbornly accepting.

d: that i remember to lend a hand while these times are a changin'
b: todd is amazingly mature and has a voice that is to be respected
g: he's also tremendously forgiving