ride

...The seasons they go round and round.

and the painted ponies go up and down.
We're captive on the carousel of time...

(excerpted from The Circle Game by joni mitchell)

as a little girl i loved the 'painted pony song' and remember retrieving the album and begging for it to be played over and over again. a few years ago, as an adult, i bought a joni mitchell cd in a moment of nostalgia but the scratchy, rhythmic sound of the vinyl wasn't there and something about it didn't ring true. i haven't listened to it in years, but inexplicably, i woke up this morning with the melody in my head.

then, in typical jessica-fashion my mind took me to another song. time and seasons and a picture haley sent me last night surely to credit...

In five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes,
how do you measure a year in a life?

How about love?
...
Measure in love
Seasons of love

(excerpted from Seasons of Love, rent)

my favorite spin instructor likes to say, 'energy is contagious!' when we're building momentum and i believe she's right. there is an energy building around me and the momentum is toward love.

on our first date, haley asked me three questions that i jokingly said were bucket list questions. "what have you always wanted to do but you didn't have enough money, balls or the right person?" and when i answered, (over email because i wanted time to think it through), i said:

...with the right person, sure i'd like to travel and all that jazz. but really i guess i'm still a romantic at some level, because i'd like to think that i'd be still. by 'still' i mean, create something deep and lasting. an island in the waves of my piscean ocean..

i believe stillness and carousels are not incompatible. though the ponies rise and fall with the rhythm of life, they remain alongside each other season after season, facing the same direction and reaching for the brass ring together.

while the painted ponies circle in time, i'm ready to be still and enjoy the ride.

d: a season of love for all of my friends.
b: i am still.
g: a painted pony that catches my breath every time i look over.