rain

The soul would have no rainbow if the eyes had no tears.
~native american proverb

as i drove home tonight with the top down i looked up at the sky wondering. there was lightning in the distance. it looked like heat lightning, but it's not summer yet. the temperature was perfect actually. moon visible with just a few wisps of clouds hanging there.

sitting on the couch, paying bills. a breeze came through the window.

rain. that delicious smell of rain.

when it hits me, ironically i don't think of closing windows, but instead of opening them. i want to soak up as much of the rain smell as possible. sometimes i even go out in it. getting rained on is one of my favorite things.

when i first got my car, i quickly learned that if i maintain a good clip, i can drive in a fairly heavy rain with the top down, and remain dry. i can maneuver like mario andretti to avoid slowing or stopping. really, i can.

and so it is with the rain in my life too. i cried a small monsoon of tears last night over my job. and when i woke up this morning, slightly puffy-eyed, the skies were clear. i took a little inventory. slightly tired, didn't sleep well. faint memories of a strange dream.

deeper than that - no fear. a bit of nervous anticipation. a bit of excitement. a bit of enthusiasm. wait, it's a work day. but still. i am liberated.

i will not sit in the rain, i will drive on. i will keep a good clip. i will get rained on and remain whole.

a rainbow is starting to appear.

i don't know where the rainbow will take me. i don't know what the pot of gold at the other end will look like. all i know is that it's there. as surely as i invited and claimed this change, i am claiming that.

and so, i love the rain. i invite the rain to pour down. and when the sun comes out, there will be a rainbow. i know it.

d: a weekend of sunshine
b: a letter i wrote feels like it will matter
g: liberation