messica

tonight i spent a good hour or so in my closet hanging up clothes, shuffling through stacks of 'folded' clothes, and searching for a missing garment. i found seven shoeboxes that needed stacking (in case the boys need one for a school project, right?), about a dozen dry-cleaner hangers still encased in their plastic gowns, a few boxes from mail-order christmas presents so well hidden they are there years beyond the emptying, two duvet covers waiting to go to the dry cleaner.. and yet, no sign of what i was looking for.

when haley and i first were getting to know each other, we asked a lot of 'put yourself on a scale from 1-10' type questions. one of them was messy to neat. (1: messy, 10: neat) i think i gave myself a 6. haley gave herself a 4, if i remember right. i told her i tend to keep things fairly neat on the surface, but then you open the drawers, cabinets, closets, look under the bed - and woah - i start losing points fast.

this weekend, staying at her and mel's new house, it was a bit like being in a demolition yard. between the construction debris and clutter from being only half moved in and less unpacked - barefoot is unwise and even with shoes, landmines everywhere.

so imagine my surprise when mel starts calling ME messy. 'big messica', she said. i could do without the 'big' i replied. i remember mom used to call me 'messy jessie' when i was a kid. maybe i was optimistic when i gave myself a 6?

saturday night dinner story: married couple, together over 20 years. the woman is asked why the marriage turned around after a rocky 10 years or so. and she replied, 'i love about 80% of my husband's traits.. and dislike 20%. the first 10 years i was focused on the 20, and when i started focusing on the 80, everything changed.' i can't remember if angie said this was someone she knew, or if it's just a story that she'd heard, but it resonated with me.

80/20. 20/80.

people are messy. some of it out on the counter and some of it in the closet. being in a new relationship, i start to wonder when the balancing act in the cupboard will give way and the door crack open. mine and hers. we won't live in the fantasy of perfection forever, i know.

but then i hear a story of '80/20' from a couple that's looked under the bed and into the crawl spaces and i am reminded that the simple truth prevails: you find what you are looking for. should it be fault, you'll find it. should it be beauty, you'll find it. should it be humor, should it be honesty, should it be integrity, should it be respect, should it be love... you'll find it.

i choose the 80, should it ever drop that low. i choose the 80.

d: throw open the cupboard doors
b: todd has a real writing talent. i'd like to think he gets some of it from me.
g: the sun was out all weekend. despite the precipitation.