reassurance

the summer is only a couple weeks from being over. technically at least, for those of us with school-age kids. we'll be getting registration done in the next week or so and they'll be back to class in a matter of days.

they boys have with their grandparents the past two weeks, too. and though i've enjoyed the spontaneous and unstructured freedom of my summer, i miss them tremendously. even the constraints on time. even the sibling dynamic, to which i can never quite relate. even the juggling of needs and wants. even the logistics of three activity schedules. i miss them.

i can't wait for them to meet mega. i can't wait for todd to start his new school. i can't wait to uncover the new obsession-du-jour for luke.

and yet, i think the drawing of a close to this season is another contributor to my fear. summer is ending. a job is ending.
much is beginning, much. but much is still unknown.

today has been a hard day. it's been a dark day for me. scared and uncertain. wanting for reassurance, where there is little.

(looking for another psychic)

but now dusk is rising. and i'm leaving the house for the first time all day, to meet it. soon the boys will be home, just another night away. their constancy is reassuring.

d: reassurances.
b: in darkness, i am writing.
g: schedule and routine coming soon to a home near me.