tessie

shallow purr.
shallow wail.
shallow breath.
shallow grave.
deep loss.

tonight we buried tessie... she'd been our prodigal pet for the past two or more years, gone to live with someone else. she was returned to us a couple of weeks ago because she'd lost her voice, but in the short time we were on vacation she went from speechless to lifeless.

i'm releasing the guilt, or trying to at least, for not realizing she was ill before we left. for not doing something about it before gallavanting off to visit family and play at the beach. i'm trying instead to be grateful that we were able to give her our loving attention in her last couple of days; that i was able to comfort her as she breathed her last breaths; that her last days and nights were in the same familiar home as her first memories, or so i imagine.

and yet, i'm not much consoled by that.

but then luke reminded me and todd that her energy isn't gone. that energy never dies. and luke is already imagining it in new puppies and kittens everywhere.

and that, that was consoling.

d: loving memories prevailing.
b: i taught luke the law of conservation of energy.
g: luke taught it back to me.